When you choose to simply be in the moment, you notice the finest of nuances around you. Some of these nuances are handpicked for you in this newsletter NLP Around You.

Thoughtful Thought

“When life is not a bed of roses, choose your pillow wisely.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“Most people plan by disaster. They think of what can go wrong and then they master it.”- Richard Bandler

One Minute NLP – The Filters of Communication

In the last three editions, we dived into ‘deletion, distortion and generalisation’. These are known as ‘Communication Filters’. These are the filters that facilitate the meaning-making function of our mind. The way we perceive information is based on this meaning-making. Imagine there are 2 students who fail a competitive exam. Let’s examine what could be the different thought processes of these students:

Student A: I always fail, I knew I would not make it, I am a duffer, I don’t even know how to study properly, I am distracted, I have other things that I have to pay attention to, I am useless.

Student B: I failed this time, I can do better next time, I am yet to learn how to crack this exam, I will re-prioritise the various things where my attention is currently divided, I am figuring out which part of the test I need to practice on.

Now think about it. Which of the 2 students is using the filters of deletion, distortion and generalization?

The answer is BOTH!!! Yes, Both. And that’s the crux of understanding that these filters are not always unhelpful. We tend to apply them either in helpful ways or unhelpful ways. Student A chooses to delete, distort and generalise the failure in a limiting manner, whereas Student B chooses to apply these filters in a more empowering manner.

Your inner chatter in your daily life can either be handcuffed by these filters or liberated because of them.

Meta- Magic – Do You Use All Your Strength?

A little boy was trying hard to push a huge log of wood in a park, while his father kept encouraging him by telling him that he could do it. “Come on son! Use all your strength. You’ll do it.”

Exasperatingly, the little boy gave it one more shot and could not succeed even then. He turned towards his father with dropped shoulders and dull eyes and began to fret by saying, “Dad, I can’t do it.”

“Son, you did not follow my advice. I asked you to use all of your strength. You did not ask me to help you.”

My Questions to you all: Do you use all of your strength?

AND more importantly, in order to use all your strength, are you first able to recognise all your strength?

Hook From The Book

“The greatest gap in the world is the gap between knowing and doing.”– The One Truth By Jon Gordon

Movie Motivation

This week’s movie dialogue is contributed by Zeel Chapaneri.

“Zindagi mein jab koi pattern banta ya koi aadat banti dikhai de na….toh uske bare mein acchi tarah se sochna chahiye….Genius is about knowing when to stop.” from the movie Dear Zindagi. Translated as “In life, whenever you notice a pattern or a habit getting created, it is time to think about it properly… Genius is about knowing when to stop (the pattern)”

Zeel shares that this has helped her a lot in identifying the patterns and overcoming them.

And interestingly, these patterns are formed by none other than the above filters of deletion, distortion and generalisation. Even more interesting is that each person forms their own unique patterns inspite of experiencing similar real-life situations.

This Week’s Winning Post:

If This Then That

See you next week!

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

When you find your cheerleaders, the cheerleaders find their tribe to cheer each other too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about my new logo and how it resonates with you. Let the new W3 logo signify the strength of this community that we are creating together.

Thoughtful Thought

“Transformation is waiting for you at the other side of your comfort zone.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote corner

“Sometimes people say, ‘One day you’re going to look back at this and laugh.’ My question is – ‘why wait?’” – Richard Bandler

One Minute NLP – Distortion

“I know you don’t like me.”

“It’s bad to be inconsistent.”

“You just shouted at me which means you don’t like me.”

Having a deja-vu reading the above sentences? Well, we all do.

When we are making /getting such statements, we are missing out on the deeper levels of consciousness. Something might have happened in the past, and we, the intelligent beings that we are, connect the dots and find the patterns while making such statements. This process in NLP is known as distortion. In simple terms, Distortion is the process of creating associations in our head linking one phenomenon with another. When created in an unempowering manner, distortions often keep us away from reality and thus trap us in our own patterns of judgements and other overwhelming emotions.

The right antidote to distortion is ‘right questions’

“What makes you say that I don’t like you?”

“According to whom is it bad to be inconsistent?”

“Have someone ever shouted at someone they like?”

“Have you ever bothered to shout at someone you don’t like?”

NLP is all about asking the right question because it believes that the answers are always within you.

PS: Not all distortions are limiting. One needs to figure out which are empowering and which are not helping in holistic growth.

Meta-Magic – The Art of Simply Being

A carpenter was walking through a dense forest with his apprentice. They saw a magnanimous oak tree on the way, which made them stop and sink into its enormity. Awestruck by the life-size aura of the tree, the apprentice asked, “Master, what made this tree so extraordinarily tall?”

“It’s uselessness.” Replied the master carpenter, which perplexed the apprentice.

On being probed further, the master added, “Had this tree been considered useful to make furniture and other things, it would have been chopped long back. Since it was not, it was allowed to grow in silence and solitude without wanting to prove its worth to the world. It is this very uselessness that became its power to help it grow. Today it is a reminder to the world that there is magnetic power in simply embracing our true essence without expectations or wanting to prove one’s worth to the world. The power is known as the art of simply being.”

Hook From The Book

“The key is not to prioritise what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.”- 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

Movie Motivation

This week’s movie motivation is featured with thanks to Kadambari Singhania

“It’s you! You… are a block of wood!” from the movie Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium

The context of this dialogue is explained here: Mr. Magorium, the 243-year-old eccentric owner of “the most fantastic, most magical, most wonderful, toy store in the world”, gives Molly Mahoney the Congreve Cube – supposedly “a magical block of wood” – and asks Molly what might happen “if someone just once believed in it”. But Molly is not able to make this cube do anything… until “the Mutant” shows her that in fact, SHE is the block of wood.

How do you relate to this dialogue? In Kadambari’s words: “We also tend to forget so often that the magic is inside of us, and that what we need to believe in… is ourselves. This line keeps reminding me that I am a block of wood… I AM MAGIC. It basically helps me counter the imposter syndrome, I guess.”

Get your favourite dialogue featured in this Newsletter

Would you like your favourite movie dialogue to be featured in the Movie Motivation section of this newsletter? If yes, then reply to these 2 simple fun questions:

1. What is your favourite movie dialogue?

2. How do you personally resonate with that dialogue?

Weekly Winner Post

What could you do when you feel like giving up?

See you again next week!

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

When you receive this weekly newsletter, what label are you giving it? Just another email in your inbox or a thought-provoking nudge?

Thoughtful Thought

“Awareness and reflection are two vital vitamins of growth. Nourish your mind wisely.” – Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“The truth is, people don’t stay the same. People either get better, or they get worse.” – Richard Bandler

One Minute NLP – Deletion

Deletion in NLP is ignoring/overlooking/skipping a certain aspect of a communication or information, because it doesn’t resonate with our thoughts, beliefs and experiences. It is like that toss, where just because you are seeing one side of the coin, you begin to assume that there is only one side.

The human mind is often hardwired to see only what it wants to see and hear what it wants to hear. It can also be called ‘filtered sensory experience’, which is both good and bad.

When it comes to challenging and crucial situations, deleting the much-needed info often drives the communication downhill. Many unresourceful patterns, unhelpful habit loops, and limiting beliefs are the result of ‘Deletion’ taking the driver’s seat on the ride called perception.

Examples: “I am sure they won’t get it”, “This newsletter will take you to the other side”

In the above-mentioned statements, some very important aspects are overlooked. Let’s see how to break such patterns by asking the right questions.

1. Who are ‘they’ here?
2. What part are they not getting?
3. What is the other side about?

PS: Not all deletions are limiting. One needs to figure out which are empowering and which are not helping in holistic growth.

Meta-Magic – Who are your silent cheerleaders?

A highly popular restaurant, famous for its finger-licking breakfast, had the highest footfall compared to all other eateries in the locality. One day, a customer noticed a feeble, shabby man in tattered clothes, who devoured his breakfast amidst the crowd and sneaked out without paying the bill. The customer duly decided to inform the restaurant owner.

To his surprise, the owner mentioned that he already knew about him and said, “It is because of him that my restaurant gets the highest footfall in this locality!” This perplexed the customer. On probing more, the owner shared that he had received several complaints about this particular “free-rider” from other customers too. When he received the first complaint itself, the owner had chosen to observe the shabby man before reprimanding him. He found out that the free-rider is a beggar stationed in the nearby street, and was regularly eating at the restaurant without paying the bill. The owner disclosed – “I observed that this shabby man used to kneel to God and always pray for more crowd in the restaurant, so that he could sneak in secretly and eat. Fortunately, his prayer was heard every single day and the footfall kept on rising. My joy of having the highest number of customers is actually the outcome of that shabby man’s prayers. How can I charge him when I am indebted to him?”

Often in our joyous times, we tend to ignore/overlook people who are constantly praying for our success, even if it may be for their own ulterior motives.

My Question to you is: Do you recognise these silent cheerleaders and express gratitude to them?

Well, please consider this story as my token of gratitude to YOU who never misses to inhale this newsletter as much needed vitamin for life’s vitality.

Hook From The Book

“Being the light means turning your light on, so that you can be the light, not be their light. Only they can be their light. As you connect with your own light source, you then effortlessly light up the way for others to connect with theirs. Be The Lighthouse, Not the Electricity.” – Light is The New Black By Rebecca Campbell

Movie Motivation

Today’s featured dialogue is recommended by Amritaa Gupta Nair.

“Look beyond what you see” says Rafiki to Simba in The Lion King.

Sharing the words of Amritaa as to how this dialogue resonates with her:

“This is the reason why I loved the “Map is not the Territory” feature of NLP so much. I found myself believing that when we look beyond what we see (in others/situations), we deepen our understanding and hence get richer in experience.”

Once again let this be a reminder about what we conveniently choose to see and how we delete the information that we need to be giving a look at too.

Weekly Winning Post

What is the secret to prosperity?

Answer to last week’s Question of the Week

Last week I had asked you to notice any changes in the look and feel of this newsletter. I am amazed with your responses. Yes, it is the new W3 logo with the new brand colours.

Please feel free to share what this logo represents to you.

See you soon in the next episode!

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

I trust that you are somebody who empowers everybody in your own unique ways, rather than the nobody who keeps waiting for anybody. 

Thoughtful Thought 

“Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is wisdom, there are wiser ways.” – Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner 

“You cannot change people by removing something. You must create a void and then fill it.”- Richard Bandler

One Minute NLP – Generalisation

“Working moms cannot give full attention to kids.” “Every back-bencher is a failure.” “I always get nervous while meeting strangers.”

Generalisation refers to the process of taking a specific experience or behaviour and applying it to other similar situations. It’s like taking what you learn from one situation and extending it in many more different contexts.

Three ways in which a Generalisation can be spotted in language are:

1. words of universal quantifiers like – always, never, everyone, no one, everywhere, nowhere, etc 

2. words of compulsions (rules) like – should, must, need to, have to, etc

3. words of possibilities or impossibilities like – can, cannot, could, could not, would, would not, etc 

While generalisations appear to be facts formed by our reality, they are a convenient extrapolation of just a few instances over a larger context, which may or may not always be true. This is where generalisations may operate as a virus in the software of effective communication and give birth to misjudgments and biases resulting in faulty decisions. 

So, how can we become more aware of our own generalisations? 

Ask yourself questions that seek counter-examples or question the perceived consequences of your beliefs. For example – “According to whom these working mothers cannot give full attention?” or “How are you measuring attention?” or “Is there a working mother who gives full attention to her kid?” or “Are there any back-benchers who are not failures?”

PS: Not all generalisations are limiting. One needs to figure out which are empowering and which are not helping in holistic growth.

Meta-Magic – What are your labels?

As part of a classroom prank, a sticker was glued on John’s back that said “I am stupid”. The whole classroom laughed when John walked by. During the Maths lecture later that day, the teacher wrote a difficult question on the board. No one was able to solve it except John, who walked ahead and solved it on the board, while the class continued to giggle.

The teacher asked the class to clap for him and remove the sticker from his back. She told him, “It seems that you don’t know about the sticker your classmate has pasted on your back.”

Then the teacher looked at the rest of the class and said:
“Before I give you a punishment, let me tell you 1 thing: Throughout your life, people will put labels on you with many nasty words to stop your progress. Had John known about the paper, he wouldn’t have gotten up to answer the question. All you have to do in life is ignore the labels people give you and seize every opportunity you have to learn, grow and improve yourself.”

My Questions to you are: What are your labels which you have been accepting unconsciously or consciously? What labels are you giving others consciously or unconsciously?

Hook From The Book 

“Before I can live with other folks, I’ve got to live with myself. The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience.”- Atticus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird.

Movie Motivation

Today’s featured dialogue is recommended by Suraj Shankar

“Kehte hai agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaho toh puri kaynaat use tumse milane ki Koshish mein lag jaati hai.” – Translated to “It is said that if you want something from your heart, then the whole universe conspires to make it available for you”, this dialogue reminds us of the power of “Believe and Become”. Belief is the starting point of achieving your results.

Weekly Winning Post 

Have you found the User Manual of Your Life?

Question of the Week

When the universe conspires to make things work for you, changes start happening in life at conscious as well as unconscious levels. I am sure you are noticing some obvious changes in the look and feel of this newsletter too, even though the sections and structure have remained the same.

So, do reply to this newsletter and share what changes have you noticed in this episode and how do you connect with these?

See you soon in the next episode!

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria