Welcome to Episode #172 of NLP Around You.

🧠 Thoughtful Thought

“Disagreement lives in the details; agreement waits one level above.”

For your daily dose of Thoughtful Thoughts, get your Thoughtful Calendar here.

💬 NLP Quote Corner

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” — Rumi

⏳ One Minute NLP – Climbing the Ladder

Think of the last argument that went in circles. Chances are, both of you were right. Just at the wrong altitude.

In NLP, we call the remedy chunking up: moving from the specific detail to the purpose that detail serves.

Every position you hold sits on a ladder. At the bottom rung live the specifics: the method, the timeline, the who-said-what. Climb one rung by asking, “What is this for?” or “What would that give you?” and the picture widens.

Two people who cannot agree on a route often discover they already agree on the destination. The dispute was never about where they were going. Only about which road to take. And roads, unlike destinations, can be negotiated.

Do this today. The next time a discussion starts looping, pause and ask the other person, “What are we both actually protecting here?” Then listen to what comes back.

Positions divide. Purpose unites.

🔮 Meta Magic – Coaching Chronicles

The Argument That Dissolved Upwards

They arrived together and sat apart.

Two co-founders. Twelve years of building side by side. Kabir took the chair near the window. Ashwin chose the one closest to the door. Neither of them noticed the geometry of it. I did.

The complaint arrived before the tea did. Kabir wanted to open in a second city. “The market is moving. If we wait, someone else takes the space.” Ashwin wanted to go deeper in the first one. “We are stretched thin. Growth on a cracked base is decoration.”

“We have had this exact conversation more times than I can count,” Ashwin said. “We keep it civil. We get nowhere.”

I let the sentence settle. Then I asked Kabir one question.

“What is the second city for?”

He blinked. “For growth.”

“And what is growth for?”

A longer pause this time. “Security,” he said finally. “If we stand on more than one leg, the company is never fragile.”

I turned to Ashwin. “And the depth you are asking for. What is that for?”

He answered slowly, as if hearing his own reason for the first time. “So that what we have built does not break.”

Silence.

Not the tense kind they had brought in with them.

The kind that arrives when two people hear themselves agreeing.

For months they had been fighting on the ground floor of the same building. One floor up, the war did not exist. Both of them wanted the same thing: a company that could not be broken. One was protecting it by widening the base. The other by strengthening it. Different roads. Same destination.

Nothing was solved in that moment. Something better happened. The argument dissolved. What remained was a design question two partners could sit on the same side of the table and answer: given that we both want an unbreakable company, what does it need first?

So let me ask you.

That argument you keep having with someone… what if you are both defending the same thing from different sides?

What waits one question above the fight?

📖 Hook from the Book

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

🎬 Movie Motivation

“Mujhe states ke naam na sunai dete hain, na dikhai dete hain. Sirf ek mulk ka naam sunai deta hai… India.” (I neither hear nor see the names of states. I hear only one name… India.)

This dialogue from the movie Chak De! India reminds us that when a team rises above its individual positions to a shared purpose, the differences that divided it lose their grip.

🏆 Popular Post of the Week

Common Misconceptions About Handling Workplace Tension That NLP Can Help Fix

Missed the past issues of NLP Around You? Find them all here: https://w3coach.com/nlparoundyou/

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Your W3 Coach

If your life looks good on paper but feels stuck on the inside, this 90-minute session is for you. We will look at why outward success and inner stillness so often pull in different directions, and what you can do about it. Reserve your free seat here.

https://www.w3successacademy.com/f/outwardly-successful-inwardly-stuck

Welcome to Episode #171 of NLP Around You.

🧠 Thoughtful Thought

“You do not find your best state. You build a door to it.”

For your daily dose of Thoughtful Thoughts, get your Thoughtful Calendar here.

https://w3coach.com/thoughtful-calendar/

💬 NLP Quote Corner

“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength.” — Marcus Aurelius

⏳ One Minute NLP – The State You Can Switch On

Think of a song that drops you straight into a memory. The opening bars play, and in a heartbeat you are somewhere else, someone else. You did not decide to feel it. The feeling simply arrived.

In NLP, we call this an anchor. An anchor is a link your nervous system builds between a trigger and a state. The trigger can be a sound, a touch, a word, a smell. Once the link is set, the trigger fires the state without asking your permission.

Most of your anchors were installed by accident. A notification tone that tightens your chest. A scent that softens you. A particular chair where focus comes easily. Life set those links while you were busy living.

The useful part is this. If anchors can form on their own, they can also be built on purpose. You choose a trigger, pair it with a state you want, and rehearse the two together until the link holds.

Pick one calm, capable moment this week, perhaps after a good walk or a clear conversation. While the feeling is full, press your thumb and forefinger together and hold for one slow breath. Repeat it a few times across the week. Then, just before your next hard moment, press the same two fingers and notice what comes back.

A state can arrive by accident. A state can also be built on purpose.

🔮 Meta Magic – The Surgeon’s Playlist

There is a heart surgeon who has done this for thirty years.

Before every operation, in the few minutes between scrubbing in and the first incision, she plays the same piece of music. Always the same one. The same recording, the same opening, the same slow build. The juniors used to think it was superstition. A lucky charm. They have stopped thinking that.

Watch her when the music starts.

Her shoulders drop a little. Her breathing slows. The noise in her head, the worry about the family in the waiting room, the email she did not finish, the case that went wrong years ago, all of it goes quiet. By the time the second movement begins, she is not a woman with a hundred thoughts. She is a pair of steady hands and a clear mind.

She did not plan this. Early in her career, a colleague happened to play that piece during a long, difficult case that went beautifully. She felt something settle in her that day, a kind of unhurried precision she had not known before. So she played it again the next time. And the next. Without meaning to, she was building a link. A few bars of music, paired again and again with a calm and exact state, until the music alone could open the door.

In NLP we would call that an anchor. She would just call it her music.

Here is the part worth sitting with. The calm was never in the song. The song is only the handle. The steadiness, the quiet, the exactness, was always hers. The music simply learned the shortest route to it, and now it walks her there in under a minute.

Most of us carry anchors too. We just installed them by accident, and many of them open the wrong doors. The tone of voice that makes us small again. The buzzing phone that arrives home carrying the whole bad day. The doorway we cannot cross without bracing.

The surgeon’s gift is not the playlist. It is that she noticed a door, and chose to keep using it.

So let me ask you this.

When you most need to be calm, or clear, or brave, you are usually reaching for that state from scratch, in the worst possible moment to be reaching for anything. What if you built the handle first, quietly, on an ordinary day? What would your music be?

📖 Hook from the Book

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” — Annie Dillard, The Writing Life

🎬 Movie Motivation

“Aal izz well.” (All is well.) This line from the film 3 Idiots reminds us that a phrase, repeated and paired with a steadier state, becomes a switch the mind learns to reach for under pressure.

🏆 Popular Post of the Week
Celebrating Father’s Day and Yoga Day: Two Days. One Lesson.

📢 Announcement of the Week

This Tuesday, 30th June, I am hosting a free live session called Outwardly Successful, Inwardly Stuck. 90 minutes on Zoom, 8:00 to 9:30 PM IST. No recording, so it is worth being in the room.

👉 Save your seat here.

https://www.w3successacademy.com/f/outwardly-successful-inwardly-stuck

Missed the past issues of NLP Around You? Find them all here.

https://w3coach.com/nlparoundyou/

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Your W3 Coach

You know exactly what to do. So why are you still not doing it?

That is the question behind my free webinar, Outwardly Successful, Inwardly Stuck. Tuesday, 30th June, 8:00 to 9:30 PM IST, live on Zoom. Ninety minutes to see why the old patterns keep running, and how to start changing them from the inside. There is no recording, so this one happens live or not at all.

👉 https://www.w3successacademy.com/f/outwardly-successful-inwardly-stuck

Welcome to Episode #170 of NLP Around You.

🧠 Thoughtful Thought

“Saying yes to everyone is a quiet no to yourself.”

For your daily dose of Thoughtful Thoughts, get your Thoughtful Calendar here.

💬 NLP Quote Corner

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” — Annie Dillard

⏳ One Minute NLP – The Words That Build the Walls

Notice how often the phrase “I have to” runs through an ordinary day. I have to reply. I have to attend. I have to fix this.

In NLP, language does not simply describe your experience. It shapes it. The words you repeat to yourself quietly set the walls of the room you then have to live in.

“I have to” puts you in a cell. It tells your nervous system that someone else is holding the key. Say it enough times and even your own choices begin to feel like sentences passed on you.

Now swap one word. “I have to attend” becomes “I choose to attend.” Same meeting. Same diary. Different person walking in. One arrives as a prisoner of the calendar. The other arrives as its author.

Try this today. Catch yourself once, mid-sentence, saying “I have to.” Pause. Ask whether it is truly a have-to, or a choose-to wearing a disguise. Then say the honest version out loud.

You will be surprised how many walls were never load-bearing.

Change the sentence, and you change the state.

🔮 Meta Magic – The Dependable One

She walked in three minutes early. Laptop bag set down with care. Phone placed face up on the table, because face down would have meant missing something.

“I don’t have a problem with work,” she said. “I have a problem with time. There just isn’t enough of it.”

Ritika ran a large team. She was the one who said yes. Yes to the extra project. Yes to the late call. Yes to covering for the colleague who never quite recovered. People described her with the same word, again and again. Dependable.

She wore it like a medal. She was beginning to wear it like a weight.

“Tell me about your last yes,” I said. “Not a big one. The most recent small one.”

She thought. A junior had asked her to review a deck. End of day. She had said yes, of course, and stayed back an hour to do it well.

“And what did that yes cost you?”

She started to answer, then stopped.

She paused.

Not defensive.

Just thinking.

“I missed dinner with my daughter,” she said slowly. “Again. I told myself it was just an hour.”

Here is the thing we rarely notice. Every yes is also a no. When you say yes to the deck, you are saying no to the dinner. When you say yes to the late call, you say no to the early night your body has been quietly asking for. The no does not announce itself. It just disappears somewhere you were not looking.

In NLP we run something called an ecology check. Before a choice, you ask what it costs the whole system, not just the part in front of you. Not “can I do this?” but “what does doing this take from everywhere else?”

Ritika had never been overcommitted. She had been under-decided. She let each yes happen to her, then paid for it in a currency she never agreed to spend.

“So you are not short of time,” I said. “You are short of decisions.”

She was quiet for a while.

Then she smiled, the tired smile of someone who has just seen the trick behind the magic.

The next week she said no to a meeting for the first time in years. The world did not end. The deck still got reviewed, by the person whose job it was. And she made it home for dinner.

So let me ask you.

The next time you say yes without thinking… what exactly are you saying no to?

📖 Hook from the Book

“My life cannot implement in action the demands of all the people to whom my heart responds.” — Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea

🎬 Movie Motivation

“Discussion nahi, demonstration.” (Demonstration, not discussion.)

This line from Xerxes Desai in the new series Made in India: A Titan Story reminds us that change is never proven in talk, only in action. In NLP, behaviour is the evidence: you can discuss a new idea for years, but it becomes real the moment you demonstrate it once. A recommended watch this week, in every sense of the word.

🏆 Popular Post of the Week

NLP Influence Cheat Sheet: The Top 5 Techniques for Persuasion & Rapport

📢 Announcement of the Week

If Ritika’s story felt a little too familiar, you will want to be in this room.

Outwardly Successful, Inwardly Stuck is my free live webinar for people who have achieved plenty and still feel held back. You do not have a discipline problem. You have a pattern problem. In 90 minutes, we look at the patterns running underneath, and how to begin shifting them.

Tuesday, 30th June. 8:00 to 9:30 PM IST. Live on Zoom. No recording.

👉 https://www.w3successacademy.com/f/outwardly-successful-inwardly-stuck

Missed the past issues of NLP Around You? Find them all here: https://w3coach.com/nlparoundyou/

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Your W3 Coach

Before we begin, a quick word.

Looks great on the outside. Feels stuck on the inside. Sound familiar?

That is what my free webinar, Outwardly Successful, Inwardly Stuck, is about. 90 minutes, and we find what is really holding you back. If you have been meaning to join, this is your nudge.

👉 https://www.w3successacademy.com/f/outwardly-successful-inwardly-stuck

Welcome to Episode #169 of NLP Around You.

🧠 Thoughtful Thought

“Meaning never lives in the thing. It lives in what surrounds it.” 

For your daily dose of Thoughtful Thoughts, get your Thoughtful Calendar here.

💬 NLP Quote Corner

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” – Henry David Thoreau

⏳ One Minute NLP – The Frame Around the Fact

Two people get the same news. One is crushed. The other shrugs and carries on. The news did not change. The frame around it did.

In NLP, we call this a reframe. And one of its quietest, most useful forms is the context reframe.

A content reframe changes what a thing means. A context reframe leaves the thing exactly as it is, and changes the setting where it belongs. The behaviour you scold yourself for in one room is the very thing that saves you in another.

Stubbornness becomes persistence on the day everyone else gives up. Bluntness becomes clarity in a crisis. Nothing about you changed. Only the room did.

Pick one trait you have judged in yourself this week. Now ask: where would this exact quality be a gift, not a flaw? Name the room where it wins.

The fact stays put. The frame is yours to move.

🔮 Meta Magic – Some Lines Don’t Need Rubbing

It is said that one morning, in Akbar’s court, the emperor was in a playful mood.

He walked to the centre of the hall, bent down, and drew a single line in the dust on the floor.

A long, straight, confident line.

Then he stood, and looked at his ministers.

“I want one of you to make this line shorter,” he said. “But you may not touch it. You may not rub out even a grain of it. The line must stay exactly as it is, and yet become shorter.”

The hall went quiet.

These were the sharpest minds in the kingdom. Scholars. Strategists. Men who had won arguments with kings.

One by one, they studied the line. They walked around it. They frowned at it. A few crouched close, as if the answer were hidden somewhere in the dust.

How do you shrink a line you are forbidden to touch?

Nobody moved.

Then Birbal stepped forward.

He did not kneel beside the emperor’s line. He did not reach for it at all.

He simply bent down a little to one side, and drew a second line. Longer. Bolder. Running well past the first.

Then he straightened up, and said nothing.

Everyone looked.

The emperor’s line had not changed. Not by a hair. It was exactly as long as it had always been.

And yet, beside Birbal’s line, it was now, plainly and undeniably, the shorter one.

Akbar smiled.

Birbal had not solved the problem the court was staring at. He had changed the problem they were staring with.

He left the line untouched, and changed what stood beside it.

That is a context reframe. The fact does not shrink. The comparison does the work.

So much of what keeps capable people stuck is a line they are trying to rub out. A failure. A delay. A version of themselves they wish were shorter.

They scrub and scrub, and the line will not go.

So let me ask you.

The next time something in your life feels too long, too big, too heavy to erase… do you need to keep rubbing at the line?

Or could you draw a longer one beside it?

📖 Hook from the Book

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” — Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere’s Fan

🎬 Movie Motivation

“Aal izz well.” (All is well.)

This dialogue from the movie 3 Idiots reminds us that when we cannot change a situation in the moment, we can change the frame we place beside it, and the heart often follows.

🏆 Popular Post of the Week

Reprogram Your Response to Emotional Triggers

📢 Announcement of the Week

If today’s story connected with you, my free webinar takes it further.

Outwardly Successful, Inwardly Stuck? 90 minutes on why you can do so well and still feel stuck, and what finally shifts it.

👉 https://www.w3successacademy.com/f/outwardly-successful-inwardly-stuck

Missed the past issues of NLP Around You? Find them all here: https://w3coach.com/nlparoundyou/

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Your W3 Coach