Mehernosh Randeria, Author at W3 Coach

Someone to Blame or Somewhere to Go?

by Mehernosh Randeria | Nov 7, 2026 | NLP Around You

Welcome to Episode #190 of NLP Around You.

🧠 Thoughtful Thought

“Every question is a ticket. Check where it takes you.”

For your daily dose of Thoughtful Thoughts, get your Thoughtful Calendar here.

💬 NLP Quote Corner

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” – Maya Angelou

⏳ One Minute NLP – The Assumption Inside the Question

Have you ever caught yourself asking, “Why am I so bad at this?” It sounds like an honest enquiry. Look closer, and you will find it has already reached a verdict.

In NLP, we call this a presupposition: something a sentence quietly assumes to be true before it even begins.

“Why am I so bad at this?” presupposes that you are bad at it. “Why does nobody listen to me?” presupposes that nobody does. Your mind rarely stops to challenge the presupposition. It simply accepts the brief and starts searching for evidence, and it is very good at finding what it has been sent to find.

The reverse works just as well. “What would make this easier?” presupposes it can be easier. “Who has handled this well?” presupposes that somebody has, and that there is something to learn from them.

Do this today: the next time you hear yourself asking a question in your own head, stop and name what it presupposes. If you wouldn’t sign your name under that presupposition, rewrite the question.

The mind always answers.

It seldom checks the question.

🔮 Meta Magic

Two Questions at the Enquiry Window

Picture a railway station in Mumbai at the end of a long, humid day. The speakers crackle, and the news arrives in that flat voice stations keep for bad news: the train to Pune is cancelled.

A groan travels down the platform, and before it has died away a queue has formed at the enquiry window. Behind the glass sits a tired clerk, a cup of tea going cold at his elbow, already bracing himself.

First in line is a man in a pressed shirt, laptop bag on his shoulder, phone gripped in his hand. He leans in until his voice fills the little gap under the glass.

“Why does this always happen? Who is responsible for this? How can you people allow it?”

They are fair questions. He has paid for his ticket, he has somewhere to be in the morning, and he has every right to be angry. The people behind him nod along. For a few minutes he is the hero of the queue.

The clerk says what clerks say. He has no further information. There is a complaint book, if the gentleman wishes. The man asks again, louder, and receives the same answer, a little more slowly. Eventually he walks to a bench, sits down heavily and begins typing a long, well-argued message about the state of the railways.

He has a grievance. He does not have a way to Pune.

Next is a woman with a small suitcase. Her evening has been ruined just as thoroughly as his. She sets the suitcase down, waits for the clerk to look up, and asks one thing.

“What is the quickest way to reach Pune tonight?”

Something shifts in the clerk’s shoulders. For the first time all evening, somebody has handed him a problem he can actually do something about. He thinks for a moment, mentions another train from another station, tells her where to find a taxi, and writes the details on a slip of paper. A few minutes later she is gone.

Same train. Same clerk. Same ruined evening. One walked away with a grievance. The other walked away with a route.

In NLP, we call this the difference between a problem frame and an outcome frame. A problem frame looks backwards: what went wrong, why, and whose fault it is. An outcome frame looks forwards: what do I want now, and what is the next step towards it?

Notice that she is not more positive than he is, and she doesn’t pretend the train is running. She has simply pointed her question somewhere else.

The old CFO in me thinks of a variance report: you need one to learn where the numbers went, but no business ever reached next year’s target by reading last year’s variances louder.

We have all stood at that window. A project slips, a client goes quiet, a plan falls apart, and we lean in. Why does this keep happening? Who let this happen? There is a time for those questions. The trouble begins when they are the only ones we know how to ask.

Awareness widens choices. The moment you hear the question you are asking, another one becomes available.

So let me ask you…

Are your questions looking for someone to blame, or for somewhere to go?

📖 Hook from the Book

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat. – Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

🎬 Movie Motivation

“Main udna chahta hoon, daudna chahta hoon, girna bhi chahta hoon… bas rukna nahi chahta.” (I want to fly, I want to run, I even want to fall… I just don’t want to stop.)

This dialogue from the movie Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani reminds us that when your attention stays on where you are going, even a fall is only part of the movement.

🏆 Popular Post of the Week

Halloween masks come off at midnight. But what about the ones we wear every day? Sometimes, the roles that once protected us become the identities that quietly confine us. Discover the person beneath the mask.

The Scariest Mask Is the One We Forget We’re Wearing

📢 Announcements of the Week

Free Live Webinar: Outwardly Successful. Inwardly Stuck?

You know what you should do, and yet you delay, overthink, react or repeat the old behaviour. That is not a discipline problem. It is a pattern problem.

Join me live on Zoom on Friday 13 November 2026, 8:00 to 9:30 PM IST. It is free, and there is no recording, so the live session is the only way in.

👉 Save your seat: https://nlp.w3successacademy.com/outwardly-successful-inwardly-stuck

100 Days | Season 2: RECODE Your Life

One tiny experiment a day, every day until 31 December 2026. Pick today’s short video, run the experiment, and take one small step towards somewhere you want to go.

👉 Watch and subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@mehernoshw3?sub_confirmation=1

Missed the past issues of NLP Around You? Find them all here.

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Your W3 Coach

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This Dhanteras, Audit Your Invisible Wealth

by Mehernosh Randeria | Nov 6, 2026 | W3 Blog

Some of your most valuable assets will never appear on a balance sheet.

Every Dhanteras, we celebrate prosperity.

We buy gold, silver, utensils or something new. We clean our homes, light our lamps and welcome the promise of abundance.

There is something beautiful about these traditions. They remind us to appreciate what we have and look forward to what we may create.

But this Dhanteras, I invite you to consider a different kind of purchase.

One that requires no money.

And perhaps a different kind of audit.

One that may reveal more about your prosperity than your bank statement ever could.

The Balance Sheet Nobody Prepares

As a Chartered Accountant, I have spent years working with balance sheets.

Assets on one side. Liabilities on the other.

We measure what we own, what we owe and what remains.

And yet, some of the most consequential assets and liabilities in our lives never find their way into financial statements.

Consider two people with similar financial resources.

One sleeps peacefully, enjoys meaningful relationships, makes thoughtful decisions and finds satisfaction in ordinary moments.

The other constantly worries about losing what they have, compares themselves with others and struggles to enjoy the success they have worked so hard to achieve.

Their financial balance sheets may look remarkably similar.

Their experience of prosperity could not be more different.

What accounts for the difference?

Perhaps we need to look at an invisible balance sheet.

Your Invisible Assets

Think about the resources you carry within you.

The ability to remain calm when circumstances become uncertain.

The confidence to attempt something unfamiliar.

The wisdom to recognise when enough is enough.

The courage to have a difficult conversation.

The capacity to recover after disappointment.

The relationships you have nurtured.

The memories that bring a smile without costing a rupee.

These are assets too.

They may not have a market price, but they have enormous personal value.

And unlike gold locked away in a cupboard, many of these assets become more valuable when we use them.

Confidence grows through action.

Wisdom deepens through reflection.

Relationships strengthen through attention.

Resilience develops through experience.

Yet how often do we pause to appreciate these forms of wealth?

And What About Your Invisible Liabilities?

Every meaningful audit must also examine liabilities.

Not all liabilities are financial.

Some are beliefs we have carried for years without questioning.

I must always be successful.

I cannot afford to disappoint anyone.

If I slow down, I will fall behind.

I will be happy once I achieve the next milestone.

Such beliefs may once have served a purpose. They might even have helped us accomplish remarkable things.

But a belief that was useful yesterday may become restrictive tomorrow.

In Neuro-Linguistic Programming, we explore how the meanings we assign to experiences influence our emotions, choices and behaviour.

We do not respond only to what happens around us. We also respond to how we represent and interpret what happens.

And those interpretations are not always the only ones available.

Consider the belief:

I must achieve more to be worthy.

What happens when we examine it differently?

My achievements may reflect what I do. They do not determine everything I am.

The circumstances may remain unchanged.

But the relationship with those circumstances can begin to change.

Sometimes, the most valuable adjustment to our invisible balance sheet is not acquiring something new.

It is releasing something we no longer need to carry.

Wealth. Wisdom. Wellness.

At W3, I often speak about three dimensions of a fulfilling life.

Wealth gives us choices.

Financial resources can create security, independence and opportunities. They deserve thoughtful attention and responsible management.

Wisdom helps us make those choices.

It enables us to distinguish between what is attractive and what is meaningful, between what we can acquire and what we genuinely value.

Wellness allows us to experience those choices.

Our physical, emotional and mental wellbeing influence how fully we can participate in the life we are building.

Imagine having the wealth to travel anywhere, but never feeling free enough to take a holiday.

Or having the wisdom to recognise the importance of relationships, but continually postponing time with loved ones.

Or achieving every professional milestone while neglecting the health required to enjoy them.

Prosperity becomes richer when Wealth, Wisdom and Wellness support one another.

Not because all three must always be perfectly balanced.

But because each deserves a place in the conversation.

A Different Dhanteras Ritual

This year, alongside whatever you traditionally do to celebrate Dhanteras, consider spending a few quiet minutes preparing your invisible balance sheet.

Ask yourself three questions.

1. What has appreciated in my life this year?

Perhaps your patience has grown. Perhaps you have learnt to set boundaries. Perhaps a difficult experience has strengthened your resilience.

Recognise the assets you have developed, even if nobody else can see them.

2. What am I still carrying that no longer serves me?

An outdated expectation? A comparison? A fear? A definition of success that belongs to an earlier version of yourself?

You do not have to resolve everything today.

Awareness itself can be a meaningful beginning.

3. Where would I like to invest more attention?

In your health? Your relationships? Your learning? Your peace of mind? Your financial wellbeing?

Choose one small action.

Not an elaborate resolution.

Just one thoughtful investment in the life you wish to experience.

Because the quality of our future is shaped not only by what we acquire, but also by what we consistently nurture.

The Real Meaning of Abundance

Dhanteras is traditionally associated with prosperity and also with Lord Dhanvantari, whose association with Ayurveda and healing offers a beautiful reminder that health is itself a form of wealth.

Perhaps that is an invitation worth embracing.

Celebrate your financial achievements.

Buy the gold if you wish.

Light the lamps.

Welcome abundance into your home.

But remember to illuminate the resources within you too.

The confidence you have built.

The wisdom you have gained.

The relationships you cherish.

The wellbeing you are learning to prioritise.

And the possibilities that remain open before you.

For some of your greatest treasures may already be yours.

They are simply waiting to be recognised.

This Dhanteras, may your Wealth grow, your Wisdom deepen, and your Wellness flourish.

Because true prosperity is not merely what you possess.

It is also who you become while pursuing it.

Thoughtfully yours,

Dr Mehernosh J Randeria
The W3 Coach | Wealth • Wisdom • Wellness

Continue Your W3 Journey

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What’s Your W3 Quotient?

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→ Discover Your W3 Quotient

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The Scariest Mask Is the One We Forget We’re Wearing

by Mehernosh Randeria | Oct 31, 2026 | W3 Blog

Halloween masks come off at midnight. But what about the ones we wear every day?

Every year, Halloween brings out an extraordinary collection of characters. Ghosts. Vampires. Witches. Monsters. Superheroes. For one evening, people become someone else. They hide behind painted faces, elaborate costumes and frightening disguises. And everyone knows it’s a game.

When the party ends, the costumes come off. The make-up is washed away. The masks are returned to their boxes. We look in the mirror and recognise ourselves again.

But here’s a thought. What if the most frightening mask isn’t the one we put on for Halloween? What if it’s the one we’ve been wearing for so long that we’ve forgotten it’s a mask?

The Masks We Wear Without Realising

Think about the different versions of yourself that appear throughout an ordinary day. At work, perhaps you’re the confident professional who always knows what to do. At home, you’re the dependable person who holds everything together. Among friends, you’re the cheerful one who never lets anything get you down. In difficult situations, you’re the strong one who doesn’t show fear.

And when someone asks, “How are you?” You smile and say, “I’m fine.” Even when you’re not.

None of these roles is necessarily false. In fact, each may represent a genuine part of who you are. The problem begins when a role stops being something you do and becomes something you believe you must be.

The confident professional starts believing, “I must never appear uncertain.” The dependable person decides, “I cannot ask for help.” The cheerful friend concludes, “I must never let anyone see my sadness.” And the strong one silently promises, “I must never break down.”

Somewhere along the way, a useful role becomes an invisible rule. The mask hasn’t merely covered your face. It has begun defining who you believe you are.

When Protection Becomes a Prison

Here’s something interesting about masks. We don’t always wear them to deceive others. Sometimes, we wear them to protect ourselves.

Perhaps, as a child, you learnt that expressing sadness attracted criticism. So you became cheerful. Perhaps admitting uncertainty once made you feel embarrassed. So you became the person who always had an answer. Perhaps asking for help led to disappointment. So you became fiercely independent.

At the time, these responses may have served a purpose. They helped you navigate situations, gain acceptance, avoid discomfort or feel safe. And that’s worth acknowledging. Yet a strategy that helped you yesterday may quietly limit you today.

Imagine wearing a heavy suit of armour to protect yourself during a battle. It makes perfect sense when arrows are flying. But what happens when the battle is over? What happens when you continue wearing that armour to dinner, to bed, even while embracing someone you love?

The very thing that once protected you now prevents you from experiencing life fully. Sometimes, what we call our personality is partly a collection of protections we have practised for years. And because we’ve practised them so often, they begin to feel natural. We stop noticing the armour. We simply call it me.

The NLP Connection: You Are More Than Your Behaviour

One of the most useful distinctions in Neuro-Linguistic Programming is the separation between identity and behaviour. What you do is not the entirety of who you are.

You may behave confidently in one situation and hesitantly in another. You may be decisive at work and uncertain in a personal relationship. You may be courageous in a crisis and vulnerable in a quiet conversation. None of these behaviours, individually, defines your complete identity.

Yet notice how easily we turn behaviours into identity statements. “I failed at something” becomes “I’m a failure.” “I couldn’t handle that situation” becomes “I’m weak.” “I don’t know the answer” becomes “I’m not good enough.” “I made a mistake” becomes “I’m incompetent.”

A temporary experience becomes a permanent label. And once we’ve accepted that label, we may begin organising our behaviour around it. This is where language becomes particularly important.

Compare these two statements: “I am a strong person.” And “I can access strength when I need it.”

The first may sound empowering. But if interpreted rigidly, it can create pressure to be strong all the time. The second allows flexibility. It gives you permission to be strong when strength is useful, gentle when gentleness is needed, and vulnerable when vulnerability allows connection.

Similarly, instead of “I am the person who always has the answers,” consider “I can find answers, and I can also ask questions.” Instead of “I am independent,” consider “I can manage things myself, and I can choose to receive support.” Instead of “I am always positive,” consider “I can look for possibilities while acknowledging what I genuinely feel.”

Notice the difference? Identity becomes less of a cage and more of a space in which you can choose. This doesn’t mean abandoning your strengths or denying your roles. It means recognising that you are bigger than any single description of yourself.

The Most Convincing Masks Are Invisible

A Halloween mask is easy to recognise. It has straps, colours, exaggerated features and perhaps a frightening expression. But an everyday psychological mask can be far more subtle.

It may sound like: “That’s just how I am.” “I’ve always been this way.” “People expect me to be strong.” “I can’t let anyone down.” “What will people think?”

These statements are worth examining because they may reveal expectations that have become deeply familiar. Not every such statement is a limiting belief. Some reflect genuine values, commitments and preferences. The question is whether you still have a choice.

Can you say no when everyone expects you to say yes? Can you admit uncertainty when others expect confidence? Can you rest without feeling that you’re becoming lazy? Can you change your mind without feeling that you’re betraying your identity? Can you be yourself even when that version of yourself doesn’t match what others have come to expect?

If the answer is consistently no, perhaps the mask has become a little too comfortable. Or a little too tight.

A Small Halloween Experiment

This Halloween, you don’t need a costume to explore the idea of masks. You only need a few minutes of honest reflection. Think of a role you frequently play. Perhaps it’s the achiever, the problem-solver, the peacemaker, the perfectionist or the person who keeps everyone happy.

1. What does this mask help me achieve?

Maybe it earns respect, creates harmony, provides security or helps you perform well. Recognise its value. There is no need to condemn a part of yourself that may have helped you navigate life.

2. What does this mask prevent me from experiencing?

Does being the achiever make it difficult to enjoy doing nothing? Does being the problem-solver prevent you from simply listening? Does being the peacemaker stop you from expressing disagreement? Does being the strong one make it difficult to ask for comfort? Be curious rather than critical.

3. If I could remove this mask for just one moment, what might become possible?

Perhaps you could say, “I don’t know.” Perhaps you could ask for help. Perhaps you could admit, “That hurt.” Perhaps you could disagree respectfully. Or perhaps you could simply sit quietly without needing to prove anything.

You don’t have to remove every mask. After all, roles, boundaries and social expectations are part of living with other people. The goal isn’t to become someone who behaves identically in every situation. The goal is to recognise when you’re making a choice and when an old pattern is making the choice for you.

Who Are You When Nobody Is Watching?

There’s a curious thing about Halloween. We knowingly become someone else for an evening, and we enjoy the freedom of pretending. But in everyday life, we sometimes become so attached to our roles that we forget we have the freedom to be different.

The leader forgets they can be a learner. The teacher forgets they can be a student. The helper forgets they can receive help. The successful professional forgets they can still be a work in progress.

And perhaps the most liberating discovery isn’t finding some completely new version of yourself. Perhaps it’s recognising that you never had to fit inside just one version in the first place.

You can be accomplished and uncertain. Responsible and playful. Confident and curious. Strong and sensitive. Successful and still evolving. These aren’t contradictions. They’re expressions of being human.

So, this Halloween, enjoy the costumes. Admire the creativity. Laugh at the frightening faces. And when the evening is over, watch how easily people remove their masks.

Then consider a quieter question. Which mask have I been wearing long after the occasion that first required it? You may not need to throw it away. You may simply need to remember that you can take it off.

Because the scariest mask isn’t the one that makes others afraid of you. It’s the one that makes you afraid to be anything else.

Thoughtful Thought

“Wear a mask when you choose to. Just don’t forget the face beneath it.”

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria
Your W3 Coach

Continue Your W3 Journey

The conversation doesn’t have to end here. Explore, reflect and continue your journey across Wealth, Wisdom and Wellness.

What’s Your W3 Quotient?

How balanced is your success across Wealth, Wisdom and Wellness?

Take a few minutes to discover your W3 Quotient. You may find that the results reveal something worth thinking about.

→ Discover Your W3 Quotient

Never Miss a New Thought

Enjoyed this article?

Subscribe to W3 Coach and receive new articles, reflections and ideas directly in your inbox whenever they are published.

→ Subscribe to W3 Coach

Discover the Magic in the Mundane

NLP is all around us, in our conversations, choices, behaviours and everyday experiences.

NLP Around You is my weekly exploration of these fascinating, often unnoticed patterns. Subscribe and receive each new edition directly in your inbox.

→ Subscribe to NLP Around You

Outwardly Successful. Inwardly Stuck?

Sometimes, knowing what to do isn’t enough.

If you find yourself overthinking, procrastinating, reacting in ways you later regret, or repeating patterns you already know aren’t helping, join me for a free 90-minute live webinar:

OUTWARDLY SUCCESSFUL. INWARDLY STUCK?
The NLP Approach to Real Change

Discover what may really be happening beneath the patterns you want to change.

→ Reserve Your Free Seat

Which Tense Are You Living In?

by Mehernosh Randeria | Oct 31, 2026 | NLP Around You

Welcome to Episode #189 of NLP Around You.

🧠 Thoughtful Thought

“Cherish your past. Nourish your present. Flourish into your future.”

For your daily dose of Thoughtful Thoughts, get your Thoughtful Calendar here.

💬 NLP Quote Corner

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” – Søren Kierkegaard

⏳ One Minute NLP – Borrowing From Your Best Moments

Have you noticed how easily the mind replays its worst moments? The meeting that went wrong, the words you wish you could take back. Rarely do we replay the moments when we were at our best.

In NLP, we call those moments resource states, and your past is full of them.

Your nervous system does not file confidence, calm or courage under a date. It files them as experiences, and experiences can be revisited. When you step fully back into a moment of strength, seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard, feeling what you felt, your body begins to produce that state again, here and now.

Do this today: before your next demanding moment, recall one time you handled something well. Step into it fully for thirty seconds. Notice where the feeling lives in your body. Then carry it with you into the room.

Your past is not only a record.

It is a resource.

🔮 Meta Magic – Coaching Chronicles

The Man Who Lived in Two Tenses

He arrived exactly on time and sat with his hands folded as though waiting to be called in for a review. A capable man by any measure: a business he had built from a single rented room, a family he adored, a calendar that never had a gap in it.

And yet, within ten minutes, I noticed something about the way he spoke.

“I should have expanded when the market was good. I should have taken that partnership. I should have spent more time with the children when they were small.” And then, almost in the same breath, “One day I’ll restructure the business properly. One day I’ll take a real holiday. One day I’ll get fit.”

Should have. One day. Should have. One day.

He was living in two tenses, and neither of them was today.

So I asked him to pause and point to his past. Not to describe it, just to point. He didn’t hesitate. His finger went straight out in front of him, a little to the left, at eye level. Then I asked him to point to his future. He paused, then waved vaguely over his shoulder, somewhere far behind.

“So your past sits right in front of you,” I said, “and your future is somewhere you can’t see.”

He laughed. Then he stopped laughing.

In NLP, we know that each of us stores time somewhere in space. We call it a timeline. Most people never notice theirs, yet it quietly shapes how they feel. His past was not in the rear-view mirror. It was stuck to the windscreen, and every decision he wanted to make had to be seen through it. The old CFO in me could only think of a balance sheet: he had been provisioning for old decisions like a bad debt, year after year, long after the lesson had been paid in full.

So we moved things around. I invited him to let his past drift gently behind him and a little to the side, close enough to draw from, far enough to stop blocking the view. Then we brought his future round to the front, nearer and brighter, where it could actually pull him forward. And the spot where he stood was the present.

Then I asked him three questions, one for each place.

Looking back: “What did those years teach you that you would never want to give back?”

For the first time, he spoke about his past with warmth. The rented room. The first client who believed in him. The mistakes that had made him careful.

Looking ahead: “When the future you want is up and running, what does an ordinary day look like?”

And standing right where he was: “What is one thing you can do this week that the future version of you will thank you for?” He chose something small. A conversation with his business partner that he had been postponing for months.

A fortnight later, what I noticed first was not what he said but how he said it. “I spoke to him. We agreed a plan. I’ve started.”

Spoke. Agreed. Started.

He had found the third tense, the only one in which anything actually happens.

The past is a place to draw strength from, not a place to live. The future is a place to aim at, not a place to wait. And the present is where the two meet, the one place where knowing finally turns into doing.

So let me ask you…

Which tense have you been living in most this year?

📖 Hook from the Book

“And let today embrace the past with remembrance and the future with longing.” – Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

🎬 Movie Motivation

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.”

This dialogue from the movie Kung Fu Panda reminds us that the past and the future only become useful when they serve what we choose to do today.

📢 Announcement of the Week

100 Days | Season 2: RECODE Your Life

One tiny experiment a day, every day until 31 December 2026. A simple way to nourish your present, one small step at a time. Join in from today.

👉 Watch and subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@mehernoshw3?sub_confirmation=1

Missed the past issues of NLP Around You? Find them all here: https://w3coach.com/nlparoundyou/

Thoughtfully Yours,

Your W3 Coach

Continue Your W3 Journey

The conversation doesn’t have to end here. Explore, reflect and continue your journey across Wealth, Wisdom and Wellness.

What’s Your W3 Quotient?

How balanced is your success across Wealth, Wisdom and Wellness?

Take a few minutes to discover your W3 Quotient. You may find that the results reveal something worth thinking about.

→ Discover Your W3 Quotient

Never Miss a New Thought

Enjoyed this article?

Subscribe to W3 Coach and receive new articles, reflections and ideas directly in your inbox whenever they are published.

→ Subscribe to W3 Coach

Discover the Magic in the Mundane

NLP is all around us, in our conversations, choices, behaviours and everyday experiences.

NLP Around You is my weekly exploration of these fascinating, often unnoticed patterns. Subscribe and receive each new edition directly in your inbox.

→ Subscribe to NLP Around You

Outwardly Successful. Inwardly Stuck?

Sometimes, knowing what to do isn’t enough.

If you find yourself overthinking, procrastinating, reacting in ways you later regret, or repeating patterns you already know aren’t helping, join me for a free 90-minute live webinar:

OUTWARDLY SUCCESSFUL. INWARDLY STUCK?
The NLP Approach to Real Change

Discover what may really be happening beneath the patterns you want to change.

→ Reserve Your Free Seat

What Does Your Hand Reach For?

by Mehernosh Randeria | Oct 24, 2026 | NLP Around You

Welcome to Episode #188 of NLP Around You.

🧠 Thoughtful Thought

“Habits do not follow decisions. They follow pictures.”

For your daily dose of Thoughtful Thoughts, get your Thoughtful Calendar here.

💬 NLP Quote Corner

“The soul becomes dyed with the colour of its thoughts.” – Marcus Aurelius

⏳ One Minute NLP – Meet the Moment Before It Arrives

Have you noticed how easily you keep a promise in the morning, and how quickly it dissolves by evening? The intention was real. The moment simply caught you unprepared.

In NLP, we call the remedy future pacing: rehearsing a new response inside the exact situation where the old one usually fires.

The mind learns from rehearsal much as it learns from experience. When you only decide what you will do, the plan lives in your head. When you rehearse where and when you will do it, the plan lives in the moment itself. So when that moment arrives, the new response is already waiting for it.

Do this today: pick one moment where you usually slip. Close your eyes and step into it fully. See what you would see, hear what you would hear. Then watch yourself respond the way you want to, calmly and easily. Run it three times, then let it go.

Intentions live in the head.

Rehearsals live in the moment.

🔮 Meta Magic – Coaching Chronicles

The Hand That Reached First

She came straight from the office, lanyard still tucked hastily into her bag. A finance head, sharp with numbers, the kind of person who runs a tight month-end close. She sat down, placed her phone face down on the table between us, and looked at it as though it had betrayed her.

“I have no willpower,” she said. “None at all.”

Every night was the same, she explained. Somewhere after ten, she would send her last email and close the laptop. And before she knew it, the phone was in her hand. A reel, the news, a group chat, another reel. By the time she looked up, it was well past midnight and the alarm was already waiting for her. Every morning she promised herself tonight would be different. Every night, it wasn’t.

I asked her one question. “When the laptop closes, which comes first: the decision to pick up the phone, or the hand?”

She opened her mouth to answer, then stopped, and looked at the phone for a long moment.

“The hand,” she said quietly. “I don’t decide anything. It’s already there.”

That was the turn. For months she had been fighting this battle with willpower, and willpower kept arriving late, after the hand had already moved. She wasn’t weak. She was losing a race she didn’t know she was running.

In NLP, we understand that a habit like this runs on a cue and a picture. The click of the laptop lid is the cue. Before any conscious thought arrives, the mind flashes a picture: the glowing screen, the little hit of relief, the sense that the day is finally over. The hand simply follows the picture. So instead of arguing with the hand, we worked with the picture.

First, I asked her to see herself as she wanted to be. Not someone heroically resisting her phone, but a woman who wakes up rested and walks into the morning review clear-headed and unhurried. As the image formed, a smile crept onto her face.

Then we ran the Swish Pattern. She held the old picture, big and bright: the laptop closing, the phone lighting up. Tucked in one corner sat a tiny, dim image of her rested self. On a quick swish, the old picture shrank and faded into the distance while the new one rushed forward, large and bright, filling the whole frame. Blank screen. Again. And again, each round a little faster, until the new picture began to arrive on its own.

Then I asked her to close the laptop in her mind. She did, and laughed, a little surprised. “It goes somewhere else now.”

When she returned for our next session, she claimed no miracle. Some nights the hand still reached. But now there was a gap between the cue and the hand, and in that gap she had a choice. More often than not, the phone stayed face down.

Awareness widens choices.

Most of us are not short of willpower. We are short of noticing. The cue fires, the picture flashes, and the hand moves long before the decision turns up, whether it reaches for the phone, the biscuit tin, the sharp reply or the comfortable “I’ll do it tomorrow”.

So let me ask you…

What does your hand reach for before you have decided anything at all?

📖 Hook from the Book

“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important.” – Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

🎬 Movie Motivation

“Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost.” (The picture isn’t over yet, my friend.)

This dialogue from the movie Om Shanti Om reminds us that the pictures we run in our minds are never final, and a better picture can always take the place of an old one.

🏆 Popular Post of the Week

The Ten Heads of Ravana: What If Every Vice Is Trying to Tell Us Something?
https://w3coach.com/ten-heads-ravana-positive-intentions-nlp/

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Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Your W3 Coach

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