Thoughtful Thought

“In order to fix ourselves, we have to find the order of fixing.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“It is your decisions, and not your conditions, that determine your destiny.” – Tony Robbins

One Minute NLP – A powerful MCQ

How do you react when someone does something which is totally not aligned to what you expected them to do? Generally most people would get furious in such situations.

Now, how about being curious instead of being furious?

This is not about letting go of your expectations from the person, but rather being in the state of mind to curiously wonder what is it that is making that person behave in such a manner that is totally unexpected or uncalled for. To help you to integrate this thought process in your daily life, let me share with you my favourite MCQ – the Magical Curiosity Question.

The MCQ that you need to ask yourself in that moment is “What needs to happen in my life for me to think or behave like that?”

This powerful question, when processed with genuine curiosity about the other person’s model of the world, allows you to possibly see a different perspective and examine what kind of resourcefulness (or lack of it) that person is behaving from, or what could possibly be the positive intention of that behaviour if you could imagine yourself doing that behaviour.

I invite you to explore life with this MCQ, and share your experience with me.

Meta-Magic

“Dear Master, I am grateful that you accepted me with one arm, and I believe I have given all that I had to ace the Judo. It’s been three months under your guidance, and I await you to teach me the next move.” Asked Sui, a 10-year-old kid who had lost his left arm in an accident and, despite that, learnt Judo from his master.

“Yes, Sui, you have done wonders that even the ones with both hands cannot do. I am elated and proud to witness your journey. However, you don’t need to know any other move.” Master said this and smiled to give closure to their discussion. Sui could not ask for more and decided to trust the process.

After a few months, Sui performed in his first tournament. While his heart was racing fastest, he surprised himself by winning over 2 matches like a cakewalk. The third round was tricky, and Sui was not that hopeful. He kept buying time until the opponent got tired, and that’s when Sui used his only known move and won with flying colours again.

Sui had been at loggerheads in upcoming tournaments with more robust, sturdier and more experienced opponents. Still, none of that could stop Sui from winning every single time.

While the crowd was cheering, Sui’s mind had just one question echoing. While returning home with the master, he opened his heart and asked, “Master, How come I won every tournament by knowing just one move, that too against the ones who were masters like you?”

The master smiled,” Sui, you won because of 2 reasons. First, you aced the toughest move of judo. Second, to crack the agility of this move, the opponent has only one option, i.e. to attack your left arm, which you don’t have.”

My question to you is – What is the strength of your weakness?

Hook From The Book

“The driven, passionate ones give their best on ordinary days and that is why they are extraordinary.” ― Twinkle Khanna, Mrs Funnybones: She’s just like You and a lot like Me

Movie Motivation

“Zindagi jab muh pe darwaza bandh karti hai, tab  usey kholna nahi, todna padta hai” (translated to “When life shuts a door on your face, then instead of opening it, you need to break it”) This metaphorical line from the movie Ghoomer is a reminder that hardships are an opportunity to come up with more innovative solutions.

This Week’s Winning Post

Learn the unhelpful patterns to unlearn them

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Thoughtful Thought

“Mind is a meaning-making machine, and heart is an emotion-harvesting machine.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“The only justification for the application of NLP patterns is the creation of choice and precisely in the context in which choice presently does not exist.”- John Grinder

One Minute NLP – FLY ON THE WALL

“Memory is old and is afraid of new.”- Anonymous

Good memories are oxygen; they give life to passion. Bad memories are like fog; they blur your vision.

What is your sourest memory of having a misunderstanding or hurtful conversation?

In movie, “Eternal Sunshine of A Spotless Mind”, there is a tool to erase memories so the person can let go of the past’s sour taste. But that was a movie, right?

Guess the good news?

Neuro-Linguistic Programming has its own way to do the same.

How often has it happened that you have advices for other people’s limbos in life, but when it comes to your own, you hear crickets?

What is it that makes us so resourceful for other’s rainy days, and when it comes to thunders in our lives, there are clouds of confusion?

“FLY ON THE WALL” is one of the processes of Perceptual Positions in NLP, where you re-look at the same incident with different and detached eyes, as if the whole incident were a movie for you. In literature, we often know it as ‘third person’s point of view’.

Although there is a structure of this process, but for now, all you can do is to step out of your mind, and enter into a stranger’s mind and re-watch your own narrative with different eyes. What do you see? What is this Fly’s reality?

Meta-Magic – Which Wife Would You Care For?

A wealthy merchant had four wives, and he loved them differently.

He fulfilled every wish of his 4th wife and adorned her as the most precious person in the world.

His 3rd wife was the most beautiful one; he wanted to show her off to the world as his arm candy, but he was always scared that his 3rd wife would run away with someone. 

His 2nd wife provided him with solutions whenever rainy days loomed over him.

His 1st wife was managing it all in the background. His well-being, home, business and cleanliness. However he was the most ignorant towards his 1st wife. 

With age came the times of illness, and the merchant was detected with a fatal disease.

“I have done so much for you, my love. Would you come with me to my deathbed as a payoff for all this love that I showered on you?” The merchant asked the most challenging question to each of his wives individually.

The 4th wife immediately ran away, listening to this question. Her unexpectedly dry gesture appalled him. He went to his 3rd wife in the hope of a true companion, but even the third one said she was helpless, and she opened her heart that after his demise, she would prefer marrying someone else. The merchant was crestfallen.

He went to his 2nd wife, and she said, “I cannot come with you to the deathbed, but all I can do is to make you reach your grave gracefully.” The merchant could not believe his ears. He spent his whole life putting all these 3 wives on a pedestal, and now, when the end came, none of them was ready to accompany him.

“I am ready to come with you even on your deathbed.” He heard his 1st wife’s voice; it was the first time he scanned her properly. Due to his ignorance and her submissive acceptance, she had grown meek and fragile. He was overwhelmed with guilt that he never did anything for his 1st wife, and despite all that, she offered to be with him.

We all have these four wives.

The 4th wife is our body, which we adore and fulfil every desire. Still, the body is the first to leave us on deathbed. The 3rd wife is our wealth and assets, which can quickly switch owners. The 2nd wife is your family and friends, who cannot go to deathbed with you but can make sure that you reach to your grave gracefully.

Can you guess who is the 1st wife?

The 1st wife represents our soul, which we often forget, neglect, ignore and take for granted while running the rat race to achieve our goals.

MY Question – Which wife would you choose to care for?

Hook From The Book

“Workaholics aren’t heroes. They don’t save the day, they just use it up. The real hero is already home because she figured out a faster way to get things done.”
― Rework: Change The Way You Work Forever by Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson

Movie Motivation

“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” – This line from the movie Usual Suspects is a reminder to introspect within ourselves as to what are our limiting thoughts and beliefs that we are not even consciously aware of. Aren’t these thoughts like the Devil who convinces the world that he doesn’t exist?

This Week’s Winning Post

Practical Skills Worth Learning

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Thoughtful Thought

“When a door closes, first check whether it is actually locked. Or does it just need a push?”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“Remember, the journey is the destination.”- John Grinder

One Minute NLP – Goal v/s State

Often when asked to share their goals, some people reply with statements like “I want to be happy, I want to be confident, I want to be calm or less angry.”

What is important to understand from NLP perspective is that neither of these are goals. These are emotional states. 

So how do we know what is a Goal and what is a State? And how does it matter?

A goal is a tangible outcome and has an element of time involved because there has to be some action to achieve the goal.

States are usually nebulous and intangibly defined. There need not be any steps to achieve a state.

State is something you can have right now. People often make the mistake of assuming or believing that they can achieve a state only when some other criteria is fulfilled. Factually, you can have any feeling that you want right now without doing or achieving something to have it. Emotions, feelings, states have no requirement of time.

For example, if you want to feel happy, you can think of a happy moment right now. And as simply as you got your state of happiness, it can be as easily reversed by now thinking about a sad moment. 

So, the next time your mind comes up with a so-called goal that is actually an emotional state like wanting to be happy, ask yourself – 

“What do you need to do to be happy? What needs to happen to get that happiness?”

When you convert your emotional states to action, you move a step closer towards the clarity of your Goal. So, when you are planning your goals, make sure you check the difference between goals and state. Make your goals tangible and clear.

Meta-Magic – Lessons on Transformation:

A pack of insects inside a pond panicked when they noticed a particular pattern – Any insect that went to the surface of the pond would never come back! An emergency meeting was held.

“I will go to the surface this time, and I will make sure to come back and tell you all what is happening at the surface of the pond,” one of the insects blurted out with a swollen chest and determined eyes.

The next day, the insect sat on the floating lily leaves. Nothing happened for a few days, and he enjoyed the warmth of the Sun.

He did not know that the Sun’s warmth was strengthening his body to transform into a dragonfly and one day, he found wings flapping on his body. He was not an insect anymore. It was a rebirth as a dragonfly.

He relished the newfound freedom and used to take flight every day with joy. One day, he saw his reflection in the pond, and there, he saw the insects inside the pond. This reminded him of his promise.

He went near the water and tried to take a dip, but alas!

He realized he was now a dragonfly; he could not go back.

The erstwhile ant began to reflect on his process of transformation:

1. Had he not aspired, he would not have got wings. Those who did not aspire remained insects.
2. Once he got transformed, even if he wanted to, he could not go back to the pack. 
3. Even if he would have managed to go to the pack, they would not have recognized him. 
4. Despite wanting to do something for the pack, all he could do was to keep flying as a dragonfly and trust that someday someone would aspire while getting inspired by him.

My question to you is – What lessons did you learn from this process of transformation?

Hook From The Book

“Most problems we face in life, as I have said already, happen in our minds. Furthermore, problems generally exist in our concept of the past and the future. The past and the future don’t exist except in our minds.” – Richard Bandler, Get the Life You Want: The Secrets to Quick and Lasting Life Change with Neuro-Linguistic Programming

Movie Motivation

“Kahin pahunchne ke liye kahin se nikalna bahut zaroori hota hai.” (translated as: “In order to reach somewhere, it is very important to leave from somewhere” – This dialogue from the movie Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani is quite relatable to the Meta Magic story of the Ant’s transformation to the Dragonfly. How do you relate this with your life?

This Week’s Winning Post

How to Make Your Learning Your Lifestyle

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Thoughtful Thought

“What you count on, makes you count.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“The effectiveness of the communication is not defined by the communication but by the response we get.”- Milton Erickson

One Minute NLP – Do Not Use NLP On Your Partner!!!

The field of NLP contains a wide range of tools and techniques that help you to improve your interpersonal relationships with people from various walks of your life. At the root of each technique also lies the mindset of applying these principles with the best intent for the other person.

My recent talk at the Global NLP Summit was on the application of this combination of mindset and skillsets for creating harmony in your relationships – by effective use of the NLP presuppositions, Rapport-building skills, Language tools, Meta Programs that go beyond the 5 Love Languages and much more.

Towards the end of the 90-minute talk, the audience was taken aback with bewilderment when I said these words – “Do Not Use NLP On Your Partner.” This made the audience wonder how they would use the techniques and principles for relationships if they were not going to use them on their partners. Well, here is the bottom line – “Do Not Use NLP On Your Partner. Use NLP WITH Your Partner.”

I invited all the participants to take the step forward and re-watch the session with their partners, not to change them, but to create the desired change together by using NLP with each other.

So next time when you think of using an NLP technique, ask yourself – are you going to use it ON people, or are you going to use it WITH people?

Meta-Magic – Who Would You Let In?

“What a blissful beginning of the day to have three monks at my doorstep! You must be hungry. Please come in and allow me to serve you.” Parvathi was elated to witness three monks in her compound while she opened the doors.

“Is your husband inside?” One of the monks asked gently in response before entering.

“No, why?” Parvathi asked curiously.

Another monk responded warmly, “We will come inside only once your husband comes home.” Parvathi was puzzled, but she requested they wait until her husband returned from the market.

Once the husband was back, Parvathi invited the monks again.

“We three don’t go inside any home together.” This time, a new puzzle erupted.

Before even Parvathi could ask why, one replied as if they read her mind: “I am Success, he is Wealth, and he is Love. We three don’t enter together. So ask your husband which one he wants to enter.”

Parvathi sprinted inside and spilled the beans to her husband.

“Let’s invite Wealth. It will resolve all our problems.” The husband replied with a sparkle in his eyes.

“But why not Success? Is Wealth the only Success for you? What about Success in other aspects? Let’s invite Success.” Parvathi pleaded with a second thought.

“Why are we not inviting Love? It will keep our family well-knit for the rest of our lives,” their daughter-in-law suggested.

Finally, Love was invited inside.

When Love monk entered, the other two followed him, perplexing Parvathi.

“You said that only one will go inside. I am ready to welcome all three of you, but how come you changed your mind and came inside while following Love?”

The monk Wealth and Success smiled and spoke in unison, “Had you picked up any of us, i.e. Wealth or Success, only one of us would have entered. But you hit the nail right. You picked up Love. Wherever Love goes, we follow.”

My Question- Who would you let in?

Hook From The Book

“Usually we react to challenges in a habitual way, with anger or avoidance. By breathing through a challenge, we can arrive at a more useful response.” – The Dalai Lama’s Cat & The Art of Purring By David Michie

Movie Motivation

“Insaan ko dibbe mein sirf tab hona chahiye jab woh mar chuka ho.” (translated as: “the only time a person should be in a box is when they are dead.”- This dialogue from the movie Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara highlights the importance of thinking Outside The Box. What boxes are you choosing to put yourself in?

This Week’s Winning Post

An interesting Insta Live discussion on The Language of Success with Life Coach Ruhee

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Presently as the Global NLP Summit is in progress as I write this, I am really excited to play a dual role – that of a Speaker as well as that of a Learner, continuing to learn from the Stalwarts in the field of NLP. Happy to share with you that my session on “NLP – The Secret Ingredient of Successful Relationships” has been rated as one of the sessions with the highest attendance.

Thoughtful Thought

“It is ok to diverge because ultimately it will all converge.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“Understand the world from another’s point of view. Then, and only then, will you understand the meaning of love.”- John Grinder

One Minute NLP – What you hold on to is holding you!

In the recently released Indian movie “Merry Christmas”, a dialogue exchange between Katrina  Kaif and Vijay Setupati was a reminder of subconscious anchors in our mind.

Vijay shows her a ring he had kept for his lady love, who had passed away 7 years ago. When Katrina asks why he had still kept the ring, he replies – “Jab bhool jaunga, tab fek dunga.” (I will throw it away when I forget her.)

Katrina replied with a sleight of mouth pattern – “jab fek doge tab bhool jaoge.” (When you throw it away, you will forget her.)

The realisation I got as a result of this dialogue is that What you hold on to, is actually holding you.

Meta-Magic – What Are You Carrying Inside?

An Elephant and a Dog became pregnant simultaneously. Both being friends, they were elated as they would get more time to spend together this way.

Three months later, the Dog delivered six puppies, while there was no news from the Elephant’s side. Within few months, the Dog got pregnant again and delivered seven more pups. The Dog was puzzled and concerned about his friend Elephant as there was no news about delivery.

Time flew, and it had been 18 months so far since the Dog had delivered thrice and was waiting for the good news from the Elephant. Finally, it mustered up the courage and asked the Elephant, “My dear Elephant, are you sure you are pregnant?”

On getting a quizzical look from the Elephant, the Dog explained further, “It’s been 18 months, and we conceived together; I have delivered thrice, and I am concerned about what is taking you so long to deliver if you are pregnant?”

This time, the Elephant smiled and said, “Oh my dear Dog, I am carrying an Elephant within, not a Dog. For us, it takes two years to deliver one time.”

The Elephant added, “When my gigantic baby hits the ground, the Earth feels it. The whole forest and even humans watch in awe and admiration when it walks. It is not about how fast I deliver but about how gigantic and charismatic I deliver.”

If you are fretting over your desire not being fulfilled compared to others, remember to ask yourself- “What am I carrying inside me?” Big dreams take time to be delivered.

Hook From The Book

“Feeling good doesn’t just end with feeling good. It actually changes our patterns of thought and behaviour.” – Ali Abdaal, Feel Good Productivity 

Movie Motivation

“Sometimes the wrong train will get you to the right station.” – This dialogue from the movie LunchBox somewhere connects to the Thoughtful Thought above. What appears to be divergent initially may ultimately converge to your final destination.

This Week’s Winning Post

The Communication Model of the Mind

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria