In our society the default answer to nearly every question is “Yes.” Advertising is all geared towards getting us to say “Yes – I need that.” We phrase our inquiries looking for yes: “Would you like more coffee?” “Would you be interested in joining me for dinner?” “Would you help me move next week?” “Would you mind if I asked you a personal question?” “Do you love me?” With such a powerful default answer ingrained in us it can be very difficult to say anything else – often leaving us feeling trapped, guilty, or frustrated as a result.

With such an expected and requested default answer “No” becomes one of the most powerful words we can use – if we can manage it! With all the pressure though, overcoming this momentum for “Yes” can be incredibly difficult sometimes.

While it is still very important to make sure we are clear what we want to say yes to it is equally important, if not more so, to be clear when to say no. Specifically the issue here is to be clear about what is important to us. Yes and no are equally viable and relevant answers in the appropriate circumstances – but may yield dramatically different results.

Saying yes when we really mean no can lead to resentment, frustration, confusion, and dissatisfaction or even worse. So if understanding and applying the right answer is so important – how do we figure it out?

The most important step in figuring out which answer is right is to start off by understanding what is important to us. This can quite simply be done with a simple reflection process. Take a moment to slow down and sink into your body. Allow yourself to notice sensations in your body without seeking to change them. Relax and connect with your inner voice of knowledge. Now ask yourself a few simple questions about issues in your life. Notice how your body reacts. Is it energized? Does your body feel drained or depleted? One of those reactions will occur with Yes and the other with No in response to the question. Typically the response that energizes us the most is the answer that is most relevant and thus most important to us. All you need to do is notice the response and thus the answer.

So now that we have our Yes/No list of life – how do we apply it? That seems easier said than done sometimes. The reality is it all boils down to the simple issue of honesty. Are you ready, willing and able to be honest first with yourself and then with others? This can be the hardest step as well as the most liberating.

Try out the “no” answer on something small at first. Maybe something as simple as “Would you like more coffee?” or some such similar question. Notice the contentment and satisfaction you feel in giving the honest answer or even just using the word! See where we can begin to apply that answer in ways that feel comfortable and empowering. Notice how your body reacts and feels more alive. Experiment with new questions and new opportunities.

Once you get comfortable with these easier answer comes the hard part – how do you say no to something we already said yes to? While perhaps a bit more uncomfortable it is still the same technique of honesty. When speaking with honesty it is also important to speak with patience, compassion and understanding. Remember that what we are essentially doing is changing the message we have previously communicated. Do not allow guilt or shame to color the communication though. Speak clearly about your decision and the realization to change the answer.

With openness and honesty we can all speak clearly from our hearts about what is truly yes and truly no. Over time it gets easier and we have to correct ourselves less and less.

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.”You give some to get some.” The old adage is usually applied to money but it is also true of time.

When we are very young or very old, time seems endless. But for the majority of our lives, time is something we always need.

We find ourselves often pressed for time or seem to owe time to others – from our bosses to our families. Time is such a valuable commodity so we need to make sure that we use it carefully. Careful use of our time means one thing – Time Management.

And Time Management is actually all about Energy Management – that is, managing your own self within the time available.

The sad truth is that most of us who are really in need of time management rarely utilize it. However, spending time on this simple four-step plan named “T.I.M.E.” can really make a difference in your day, your life, and your time!

T = Thoughtful Planning

Every minute spent on planning and organizing will save at least that amount of time when you implement your plan. Shopping trips taken without a list often result in wasted time, errands run without prior planning often mean wasted time, and tasks not properly organized often mean wasted time. We all know this is true and yet we still rush forward in our haste to get something done. Take time to plan and you will be more efficient.

Failing to plan is planning to fail.

I = Involving Others

Whether at work or at home, involving other crucial stakeholders in your planning and prioritizing can help you attend to the essentials and share the work. Others may have good ideas to help you achieve your goals and others may well spark even more ideas from you. Sometimes, simply talking things over with a sympathetic audience can help you think more clearly. Don’t forget to give others a share in the work as well as the planning.

M = Meditation

No matter how busy your life or hectic your schedule is, it is pertinent for you to take time to reflect on your goals and dreams. Taking a few moments to clear your mind, focus your energy, and rebuild your strength can revitalize you and help you accomplish more when you swing back into action. Allowing yourself this down time may well give you the opportunity to prioritize and brainstorm so you can be even more productive than before. Even if you may not have immediate breakthroughs from taking this time out, it will definitely give you an energy boost.

E = Evaluation

It is important for you to regularly evaluate your priorities and goals. Perhaps you have accomplished tasks that can now be permanently crossed off your list or can be set aside until a later date. Perhaps you have achieved certain goals resulting in a change of other priorities. Perhaps you simply have learned something along the way that caused a number of shifts in your priorities and goals. Evaluation can also give you a sense of accomplishment if you look back on what you have achieved and the goals you have reached.

Even if taking T.I.M.E. for time management can seem wasteful, it is actually a process that pays for itself time and again. Time management may cost you time for planning and organization but in the end it helps you gain time through efficiency and prioritization. The simple truth is that time management saves you time and stress.

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What makes us feel that some people have better intuition than others? And some people believe that they lack intuition all together. Your mind is constantly giving you feedback. You are either not receiving the message or you are misinterpreting the signs. When you are uncertain about how to proceed, your intuition can provide valuable feedback.

It is not just enough to rely on logic when you have other tools at your disposal. Give your Intuition a chance.

Learn to cultivate and use your intuition:

1. Practice addressing and listening to your intuition.
   
   You might already be doing this, just not at a sufficient level. When faced with multiple possibilities, give your intuition a chance to chime in. Start with little things. “Should I go for movie with my friend or stay at home?”

   Ask yourself these types of questions as they come up in your life and notice the response you receive.

2. Notice how your intuition communicates with you.
   

   It might be in the form of a verbal response. In many cases, you’ll get a feeling in your body that might take the form of a feeling in your stomach, chest, or head. It could reveal itself as a sense of calmness, knowing, or anxiety.

   You already experience these types of feelings. When faced with something you fear, your intuition is speaking to you. You already know how that feels. You also know when something feels “right.”

3. Follow your intuition blindly in trivial matters.

   Show your intuition that you’re willing to listen. When faced with non-pressing matters, such as whether to have a cup of coffee or tea, just do what your intuition tells you. You might go for a joy ride and allow your intuition to choose all the turns. Pay attention to where you end up!

4. Meditation helps.

   Your intuition might be talking to you, but you’re not getting the message. With everything else going on in your head, you might not even notice that your intuition is trying to communicate with you. Meditation can quiet the mind enough to notice what your intuition is saying.

    

5. Spend time in a new environment.

   Your thoughts and feelings become habits that are partially dependent on your surroundings. You tend to think and feel a certain way at home. The same goes for work.

   Give your intuition room to maneuver by spending time someplace out of the ordinary for you. Time at the library, park, or coffee shop might open the lines of communication.

6. Do something that engages your mind at a low level. Have you ever noticed that many of your best ideas come while taking a shower, driving down the highway, jogging or while gardening?

   It’s because your mind is partially occupied. You have to pay attention to what you’re doing, but your mind isn’t so engaged that it can’t wander a bit.

    

    

7. Keep track of your results.

   In general, is your intuition providing helpful and accurate feedback? Notice the situations where the results are positive and those that are negative. You’ll be able to trust your intuition in more areas of your life over time.

It’s important to understand that your intuition is flawed. It’s flawed because of your fears and misconceptions. For example, you’ll never get a good vibe about spending time with someone new if you have social anxiety issues.

However, you already know a lot of things. And you already have a lot of life experience. The vast wisdom resulting from those two things is locked inside of you. Your intuition uses that information to guide you – if you’ll listen.

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Modeling of exceptional performance behaviour requires observing and laying down the underlying processes inherent in that behaviour. It requires breaking down a complex system or a series of events into chunks small enough to be understood and reproduced.

What is the purpose of behaviour modeling? The point is to create a useful map or model of the behaviour for the purpose of reproducing or copying it by anyone who may want to. By identifying the individual elements that make up the essence of the behaviour, in a practical sense a person can reproduce the desired response or outcome. The model must give a description of the necessary thoughts and actions needed to achieve results that are similar.

The development of Neuro-Linguistic Programming came about from the modeling of the thinking processes and behaviors of humans. It starts with learning about and understanding how the brain operates (neuro), and analyzing non-verbal and verbal language patterns (linguistic). Then a sequential set of strategies or programs (programming) teaches how to transfer the skills to others.

Richard Bandler began to model particular language patterns and behaviours that he observed from Fritz Perls (Gestalt therapy founder) and Virginia Satir (one of the founders of family therapy and systemic therapy), and, later, the founder of the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis, Milton H. Erickson, M.D.

The initial techniques of NLP came out of the language patterns and body gestures of the very talented and skillful therapists noted by Bandler and also observed by John Grinder, a linguist who later teamed up with Bandler. The “magic”, that these exceptional therapists were able to achieve, fit into a structure that could be understood, transmitted through communication, and executed by ordinary people, not just the master therapists who originated these triumphs. This became the foundation for NLP. 

Grinder observed Bandler at work one day and noted how Bandler was able to influence people with his use of language. Grinder had a sense that something systematic was occurring. Neither could explicitly describe the process. Bandler knew he had somehow picked it up from Perls and Satir. Grinder realized that if Bandler could teach him to do what he (Bandler) was doing, he could then put the process into a formula that could be articulated and copied.

The tools and techniques developed within NLP identify and lay out specific patterns of human verbal and non-verbal interactions – fundamental characteristics of how people express themselves and behave. One of the most basic objectives of NLP’s use of modeling is to put these observable key behaviours – verbal and non-verbal conduct – into appropriate and actionable steps that produce desired results.

It is not to distill the modeling process down to one “essential” or “correct” characterization of the cognitive process of any particular individual. Rather, it is to enable us to create a map whereby we can apply in an effective and advantageous way, certain strategies that we’ve modeled. The primary goal is to enable us to be more effective in our interactions and dealings. 

The exactness of the map – how closely it follows reality – is less important than how useful it becomes. The modeled strategies may be used to achieve some purpose that is constructive and functional, and it may be similar or different from the initial use of the model.

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We all have them from time to time – some nagging thoughts keep popping into your head, and you can’t seem to banish them. They keep coming back at inopportune times, or whenever you least expect it.

You keep trying to change the thought, focus on something else. But the unwanted thought and the feelings associated with it keep nagging at you.

So how do you get rid of it? Is there a way?

Here are three simple yet powerful ways to banish unwanted thoughts using NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming).

Much of our daily activities and thoughts are unconsciously and unintentionally operating. If we can learn ways of getting better control over our thoughts, feelings and behaviours, and if we can be in control of how we respond to various situations, we can attain greater success in many areas of our lives.

NLP teaches, among other things, that our physiology, feelings and thoughts are interrelated. Our emotions and thoughts ebb and flow, and sometimes we get stuck with a repetitive and unwanted thought. We call them bad thoughts. It does not help to try and think of something else or deny that they exist. Attempting to avoid the thought keeps you paying attention to it, and in some ways, reinforces the thought.

1. “It’s just a thought!”

Making the connection between the thought and the feeling that arises from it is the problem. Thoughts and feelings are neither positive or negative, it’s the label we ascribe to them that colors our view of them. A thought or an emotion is just a thought or emotion; it has no “meaning” in and of itself. It may be an opinion or idea about something. It is when we attach feelings to our thoughts that they become powerful – and especially if we choose to act on them; that’s when we incur problems.

You may think your thoughts and feelings are real and not imagined, but keep in mind that there are usually many different ways any situation can be interpreted.

Everything we experience is filtered through our senses, our expectations, and our past experiences and how we learned to interpret them. The subconscious mind does not know the difference between real and imaginary.

The beliefs we hold tend to distort “reality.” The mind selectively chooses evidence that supports the belief, rejecting anything that does not support it.

Often in a given situation, there is an associative thought, which is a past memory of an experience that gets connected to a particular feeling or emotion. You can learn some effective strategies to banish or disempower these thoughts.

When you get an unwanted thought, remind yourself that it’s just a thought. It doesn’t mean it is real or true.

You’ll start to realize these thoughts are not worth thinking. The connection between the thought and feeling gets interrupted and broken, as the mind will get bored with them and pretty soon, you will not be thinking them.

2. Intentionally invite the thought

Allow yourself to intentionally call up the thought at times and situations that you choose. When we expect a thought to occur, it does, and then thinking about having the thought leads to anxiety and fear about having it. Resisting the thought will make it persist. This is a natural thing that happens occasionally to people.

When you deliberately think the unwanted thought, associate into it; be in your body, seeing, hearing and feeling what you see, hear and feel. Repeat this exercise at various times during the week. An amazing thing happens–the brain starts to learn that the thought is something that can be switched on or off at will. It is no longer automatic, out of your control.

3. White it out

A great technique is to let it go to “white out.” You’re having your unwanted thought, you say to yourself “It’s just a thought,” take a deep breath, relax, and see the image go to white out, like turning up the brightness knob on your TV until the picture fades to white. Practice as much as is necessary; you can learn to white it out instantly.

Do share in the comments below which technique works best for you. Bid farewell to unwanted thoughts.

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Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) holds great power when it becomes achieving excellence in business. It teaches skills and techniques to give you instant rapport, which is of utmost importance in the business world.

What’s important about establishing rapport with someone you are doing business with?

Once you have established rapport with someone, you have made a connection to that person on a gut level. They feel a sense of trust around you. They feel that you are similar to them, that you have similar tastes and values, so you understand them, and understand their needs.

This gives you a huge advantage if you want to persuade someone to see your point of view, get them on your side, to rally for you, or get them to buy something from you. They see you as someone who is looking out for their interests, because you care about them. And much of these feelings originate in their subconscious mind. It is not so much a conscious awareness, and this in itself gives you a great advantage. Why? Because the thinking and analysis is removed from their conscious mind. What is left is relegated to their unconscious where all these good feelings that have arisen settle into simply a vague, gut feeling of liking and trusting you.   

To say that going through an NLP training is a life-changing experience is an understatement. There are certainly huge advantages to people in the business world who learn NLP techniques, in the areas of management and administration at all levels within an organization. It is excellent for executives, directors, trainers, receptionists and all secretarial staff, as well as people in sales, finance, human resources and counselling. It is beneficial also to all those on staff involved in engineering and technical divisions within a company.

What are some of the areas in business that NLP techniques teach to employees?

It teaches how to define strategies that are realistic and to set goals that can clearly be attained. It provides ways to reduce conflict in the work environment by allowing for new and unusual ways to re-frame situations, to see things from a perspective that might not have occurred to the individual prior to their NLP training. It reduces stress by understanding how to work around potentially stressful situations, and how to minimize stress by looking at the situation in a different light.

It can help increase productivity and sales performance by teaching ways to derive satisfaction from work, and by improving rapport–building better relationships among employees and customers alike. Other benefits include enhancing the skills of staff involved in customer care, and helping to minimize loss of customers. It improves the effectiveness of people in the work environment which increases their self-esteem and pride in their work, which increases their company pride and loyalty–and that can lead to increased profits to the company.

In short, NLP teaches those involved in the business world to pay close attention to those around them and be very observant to what they see and hear and sense. In effect, this enables them to step into the other person’s shoes as that other person experiences their world, which makes for more highly effective performance in whatever level of business in which the practitioner is working.

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