Thoughtful Thought

“Let your unhelpful habits sink like Titanic in the ocean of wisdom.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“After interviewing hundreds of people, I found out how people got over phobias. They all reached the point where they got fed up with being afraid.”- Richard Bandler

One Minute NLP – Meta Programs

“Why do I do what I do?”

“Why did not it click me before?”

“Where had I gone wrong?”

“How did I come to this conclusion?”

While we all have these questions mushrooming inside our head every now and then, we often fail to miss the roots of it. Why do we do what we do? – including the good and the not-so-good – META PROGRAMS in Neuro-Linguistic Programming has answers to it.

Meta Programs are advanced patterns of thinking that control what you perceive and how to change them. They are mental processes that manage, guide, and direct other mental processes. In other words, they are processes about or at a higher level than (meta to) the mental processes they affect.

You could compare them to a switchboard that controls which two telephones will be connected to each other for the process of having a conversation, or a thermostat that controls whether your air conditioning system is turned on or off. These are both metaphors for one system that controls another system. NLP uses a contemporary metaphor taken from computer science to describe the action of one process upon another – Programs.

It is often the case in computer programming, that one program controls the execution of several other programs, selects which ones will run at which times, and sends them the information they’ll need to function properly.

To sum up, it won’t be an exaggeration to say that matching your meta-programs will be equally as powerful as matching horoscopes.

Meta-Magic – What if…?

“It was January of 1960 & according to the prognosis, I had a winter and sprint and summer to live through and would die with the fall of the leaf.” These were the words of author Anthony Burgess who rose to fame in his 40’s.

Anthony was anxious after knowing his death estimate announced by his oncologists. ‘Brain Tumor’ was a dreadful word back then. Although the reason for his anxiety was NOT the duration he had to live, but the challenge of how he could make the most of that duration so he could leave a substantial financial back-up for his wife Lynne.

Writing novels sounded like a perfect recipe for joy and everlasting royalty income for his wife. He locked himself up for one whole year and made typewriter his best friend. With his focused energetic involvement, Anthony could write five and a half novels in just one year.

When the fall came, life surprised Anthony and his tumor was dissolved. He lived and produced masterpieces like A Clockwork Orange and 70 more novels after it.

We all have that Anthony in us, who has extraordinary hidden talent within.

My question to you is: What if you had just one year to live like Anthony? How would you make sure that you live your life differently to differentiate your living?

Hook From The Book

“If you go through the world looking for excellence, you will find excellence. If you go through the world looking for problems you will find problems. Or as the Arabic saying puts it: What a piece of bread looks like depends on whether you are hungry or not”- Joseph O’Connor, Introducing NLP: Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People

Movie Motivation

“Itna mat soch… soch gehri ho jaaye, toh faisle kamzor ho jaate hai” (translated to “Don’t think so much. If the thinking becomes deeper, then the decision-making may become weaker.”) This dialogue from the movie Khuda Gawah reminds us to be aware of our overthinking mode. 

Here is the link to a blogpost I had written few years ago about 7 Ways to Overcome Overthinking

This Week’s Winning Post

The best gift for an author is the gratitude received from the readers. Here is the link to the heart-winning post.

See you next week!

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Let’s dive into new perspectives today.

Thoughtful Thought

“Your thoughts can be either toxic or tonic. Are you choosing them wisely?”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“As long as you believe it is impossible, you will actually never find out if it is possible or not.”- Richard Bandler

One Minute NLP – Model of the World

It’s the same teacher teaching the same concepts to the entire class, but the students’ results differ as the understanding of each student differs. Why?

The fact that every child is different stems from the fact that every mind works differently. We all may read the same book, but the takeaways differ. This happens due to the differences in the models of the world.

While we absorb information through our five senses, the information gets filtered, and gets stored as our internal representation. This Internal Representation is your Model of the World. Obviously, since every individual has a unique combination of filters, every individual has a different “Model of the World”.

Meta- Magic – Who are your Cows and Cats?

One freezing winter, while flying, a tiny little bird fell to the ground as its wings just froze. While it was lying there, a cow passed by and dropped some dung exactly on the bird. The warmth of the cowdung made the bird feel joyous and relaxed, it started chirping and singing in its comfort. A passing cat heard the bird singing and promptly pulled the bird out of the dung. The bird was even happier but its happiness lasted only a few minutes as the cat simply ate the bird.

Few thoughts to ponder here: Not everybody who dumps dung on you wants to harm you. Not everybody who brings out from dung is your well-wisher.

My question to you is: Do you recognize who are the cows and the cats in your life?

Hook From The Book

“Sir Edmund Hillary, who mounted the first successful climb to the summit of Mount Everest with Tibetan Sherpa Tenzin Norgay, was asked by a young reporter how it felt to be the first man to touch the peak of the tallest mountain in the world. “It felt exactly the same as each of the previous times,” replied Hillary. To the eyes of the world, his feat was a first; but in his own mind, Hillary had successfully scaled Everest many times before.”- The Complete Vision Board Kit: Using the Power of Intention and Visualization to Achieve Your Dreams by John Assaraf

Movie Motivation

“There is no opponent. Because the word ‘I’ does not exist.” This is a very famous dialogue of Bruce Lee from the movie Enter the Dragon.  Watch this clip here and please tell me how do you relate to this dialogue.

This Week’s Winning Post

What are the 5 different types of Self-Care?

See you next week!

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Welcome to yet another episode of the world of NLP Around You

Thoughtful Thought

“Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there are mistakes, there is another way.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“Any fool can know. The point is to understand.”- Albert Einstein

One Minute NLP – Feedback Sandwich
“Your idea will not work.”

“This is absolutely wrong way to do it.”

“I wonder if you ever deliver on time.”

Have you been at the receiving end of such feedback? Or have you been at the offering end of the table?

In either case, the response from the above-mentioned types of feedback is not very pleasing or welcoming, and such feedback is incapable of bringing the desired changes for 3 simple reasons:

1. Lack of rapport plays a spoilsport
2. Focus is more on the problem, rather than solution
3. It directly attacks the person rather than the behaviour.

Feedback aimed at identity rather than behaviour is more likely to be taken personally. When criticised at the identity level, the person is less likely to be in an appropriate state to learn what they need to learn – or may even dig their heels in and refuse to take any of it on board.

As a solution, what if giving feedback was as easy as a sandwich?

Yes, In NLP, the Feedback Sandwich method works on the principle that “People are not their Behaviour.” This equation works on providing the feedback on the overall behaviour – what worked as well as what needs to improve, and therefore draws better possibilities of changing the behaviour.

How can you structure a feedback sandwich?

1. First layer – State what behaviour you appreciate about the person.
2. Second layer/filling – State what behaviour you would like them to improve.
3. Third layer- Appreciate the overall positive intention of the person.

The receiver of the feedback considers it more holistic, as the positive behaviour is also being acknowledged rather than only the negative behaviour being highlighted.

Can you think of situations in your life where you can notice the difference by simply applying the Feedback Sandwich approach?

Meta- Magic – The Prescription of Perspective

Despite having everything in life, Max used to live in the town just like a shadow among the live tapestries. Unable to discover why he often felt lonely in crowds and like an alien even amongst known people, he went and expressed this to a colleague, Rohn.

Rohn knew a friend who was an NLP practitioner. When Max went to Rohn’s friend, she gave him four envelopes and said, “There is one prescription in each of the envelopes. Open them in order, follow it, and come back to me once you are done following all 4.”

Max unpacked the first envelope and read – 

VISIT THE VILLAGE SQUARE AT NOON

At the village square, he observed children giggling as they chased each other, vendors eagerly peddling their wares, and couples whispering secrets. The energy of life surrounded him, and for the first time in years, a hint of a smile touched his lips.

The second envelope read – 

SPEND A DAY IN THE FOREST OF WHISPERS

As Max ventured deep into the forest, the world changed. Birds chirped harmoniously, the rustling leaves told ancient tales, and the earth beneath him felt alive. He inhaled deeply, allowing the calmness of the forest to sweep over him. His heart, which had felt so heavy, now began to feel lighter.

It was time for the third envelope – 

WALK ALONG THE SHORES OF AZURE BAY DURING SUNSET

At the beach, the consistent dance of the waves against the shore mesmerized Max. The setting sun painted the sky with shades of orange and purple, and the immensity of the horizon recalled to him of life’s endless possibilities. He sensed a connection to something greater than himself.

The fourth prescription read – 

REFLECT AT THE TOWN’S GRAVEYARD AT DAWN

Amidst the quiet gravestones, Max pondered the fleeting nature of life. Each stone hinted at a story, each name a reminder of the brevity of life. It was here that he understood the importance of valuing every moment.

It was time to go back to the NLP practitioner. This time, Max’s eyes had spark and before she could say anything, he blurted out, “I have discovered the hidden joy in life when I stopped ruminating about my anxieties, which never happened in real. I have learned to look beyond my joys and sorrows.”

His life took a shift with a simple prescription of perspectives.

My Question to You: Which prescription you are going to choose for yourself?

Hook From The Book

“When you find that you have not accomplished some of your goals (which will inevitably happen), do not criticize yourself or assume that you have failed. Simply acknowledge clearly to yourself that you have not accomplished that goal, and decide whether or not it is still a goal for you; that is, decide whether you want to set it again for yourself, or whether you want to let it go. It is most important that you acknowledge unaccomplished goals in this way. Otherwise, they may accumulate in the back of your mind and you will feel unconsciously that you have “failed,” which will eventually make you tend to avoid the goal-setting process.”- Creative Visualisation by Shakti Gawain

Movie Motivation

“Zindagi jeene ke do hi tarike hote hai: Ek jo ho raha hai hone do, bardaasht karte jao; Ya phir zimmedari uthao usse badalne ki” (Translated to “There are only two ways to live life: One is to let what is happening happen, keep tolerating; Or otherwise take responsibility to change it.”) This power-packed dialogue from the movie Rang De Basanti directly relates to the fundamental premise in NLP that in every area of life, we can either be in Cause mode (taking responsibility as a Champion) or we can be in the Effect mode (complaining or tolerating as a Victim). 

My question to you is – in which area of your life are you always taking responsibility? and in which area of your life are you always complaining or tolerating?

This Week’s Winning Post

3 easy ways to be Assertive

As you start realizing the simplicity as well as the powerful impact of NLP, I invite you to share the link to the NLP Course with your friends and family too. Here is the link for you: http://www.learnnlp.in 

See you next week!

Thoughtfully Yours,

Now that you have started exploring life beyond just the plain vanilla moments, let’s dive into this week’s episode of NLP Around You.

Thoughtful Thought

“Choosing to be inflexible is also a part of flexibility.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“If it is worth feeling bad about, it is worthy of amnesia.”- Richard Bandler

One Minute NLP – “Everyone has all the resources that they need”

Everyone has the potential to succeed and achieve their desired outcomes. They have all the tools and capabilities they need, but the key is to tap into those resources fully and take action. The real challenge is not a lack of resources or knowledge, but rather a lack of awareness that all these resources are within us. This NLP presupposition reminds us that our goal should be to become aware of the useful resources that are inherent within us, and take the necessary steps to achieve our goals.

A lot of NLP tools and techniques are focused on how to be aware of your resources, so that you can continue to perform at the peak of your potential whenever needed.

You can empower yourself with the tools and techniques of NLP by joining the complimentary weekend course here: http://learnnlp.in/

Meta- Magic – Do you need a Vitamin E Booster?

“Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Ghosh! how could you do this, Rohn!” Sherry jerked her hands a bit violently while admonishing her husband, Rohn. Before Rohn could clarify, there was another blow. “Nope. Not this time Rohn. No explanations this time. Do you have any freaking idea what have you done at a place of worship like the Church?” Sherry came forward and gazed into his eyes.

Rohn strode outside the Church without any word and he could feel tears wrestling to cross the border of his eyes. “Men don’t cry.” He said to himself and sighed a little deeper.

Rohn had begun his day with chirping birds this Sunday and together he went hand in hand with his beloved wife Sherry to the Church for Sunday prayers. Little did he know that his chirping Sunday would suddenly become the angry remix of everyone around him. When his phone rang in the Church, the ringtone was piercing enough to disturb the tranquility in the Church. All heads were turned to him, yet he realized the intensity of it only when he was admonished by all for not keeping his phone on silent. Today he realised the pressure of committing a sin and its aftereffects. He decided never to go to the Church again.

In the evening, Rohn went to the bar. While taking his first few sips, the voices in his head began punching in nervousness again. This made him drop his whiskey glass shattering on the floor. He was too immobile to move. Some people stood up immediately and rushed towards Rohn. He closed his eyes assuming that now he would be beaten as the whiskey got spilled on them.

To his surprise, they all asked for his well-being as the bottle was made of glass. He was offered a complimentary drink and the bar owner lady assured him, “Come on man, who doesn’t make mistakes.”

Since then, that bar has become his second home.

The difference that really makes the difference is normalizing mistakes and cultivating more empathy. This vitamin E (Empathy) is a vital element to nourish humanity.

My question to you is: How do you exercise Vitamin E (Empathy) when someone makes a mistake?

Hook From The Book

“If someone is inconsiderate or rude to you, risk telling them how it made you feel or that you didn’t appreciate being treated that way. If you tend to talk yourself out of anger by telling yourself that you don’t want to make waves, try telling yourself instead that it is okay to make waves sometimes and risk letting people know how you really feel.”-  

– Beverly Engel, The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused – And Start Standing Up for Yourself

Movie Motivation

Arjun: “That’s the plan. 40 ke baad I’ll retire and…”
(Translated: “That’s the plan. After 40, I’ll retire and…”)

Laila: “Dude, tumhe kaise pata tum 40 tak zinda rahoge? Seize the day my friend. Pehle is din ko poori tarah jiyo”

(Translated: “Dude, how do you know that you will be alive till the age of 40? Seize the day my friend. First live this day fully.”

This conversation from Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara reminds us to fully live in the present moment NOW!

This Week’s Winning Post

The 7 Cs of Communication

Empower yourself with a complimentary online weekend course of NLP by registering here: http://learnnlp.in/ 

See you next week!

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

The fruits of this newsletter lie in the actions you take and the reflections you create about your life.

Thoughtful Thought

“Believing what to believe is also a belief.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“The easier you can make it inside your head, the easier things will be outside your head.”- Richard Bandler

One Minute NLP – “There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states”

State, in NLP, refers to our emotional state of being at any point of time. 

Resources, in NLP, refer to all the solutions that we believe we need that would help us in any situation. These solutions may be in the form of external resources (like help from others), or they may even be internal resources (like our beliefs, skills, talents, wisdom, knowledge, intelligence, etc). 

At times, there are situations where we are not able to access these resources which are within ourselves. And it is at these times that we often end up labeling ourselves in a disempowering or limiting manner – e.g.: “I shout at my colleagues for no reason”, “I always goof up in public speaking”, etc.

“There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states” What this particular presupposition of NLP reminds us is that people are not unresourceful, but the state in which they are at that moment is not appropriate for them to access these resources. In the above examples, 

Behaviour = shouting at colleagues for no reason; Unresourceful State = anger

Behaviour = Goof up in public speaking; Unresourceful State = nervousness

A lot of NLP tools and techniques are focused on how to be aware of your “state” and how to change your state from an unresourceful one to a more resourceful one, so that you can continue to perform at the peak of your potential whenever needed.

You can empower yourself with the tools and techniques of NLP by joining the complimentary weekend course here: www.learnnlp.in

Meta- Magic – It’s Not Always Plain Vanilla

A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:

“This is the second time I have written to you, and I don’t blame you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of Ice-Cream for dessert after dinner each night, but the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we’ve eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It’s also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem…. You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice cream, when I start back from the store my car won’t start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I’m serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds “What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?””

The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter but sent an Engineer to check it out anyway. The Engineer intentionally sought the post-dinner time to meet the customer, so he could experience the problem first-hand. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn’t start.

The Engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start. The Engineer was flabbergasted. Could a car ever be allergic to Vanilla?

“Is Vanilla really the problem?” He asked himself and that’s when he began to shift his attention to other aspects and began taking note of time of day, type of gas used, time to drive back and forth, etc. 

Within few days, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Yes! The ice cream store was arranged in such a way that Vanilla was the quickest accessible flavour at the front of the store. All other flavours were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavour.

Now, the question for the Engineer was why the car wouldn’t start when it took less time. Eureka – Time was now the problem – not the vanilla ice cream!!!! The engineer quickly came up with the answer: “vapour lock”.

It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavours allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapour lock to dissipate!

My question to you is: What areas of your life need a deeper look beyond just a plain vanilla approach?

Hook From The Book

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”- Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

Movie Motivation

“…Toh kaisi lagi kahani? Ending khaarab hain an? Toh koi baat nahi, apni kahani hain, ending change kar lenge.” This dialogue from the movie Tamasha (translated to: “So how did you like the story? Ending is bad, isn’t it? No problem, it is our story, let’s change the ending.”) A very impactful dialogue that reminds us that we are the writer of our own story, and we have the power to choose how our story will end.

This Week’s Winning Post

Questions you can ask for Clarity

See you next week!

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria