Welcome to yet another episode of the world of NLP Around You
Thoughtful Thought
“Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there are mistakes, there is another way.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria
NLP Quote Corner
“Any fool can know. The point is to understand.”- Albert Einstein
One Minute NLP – Feedback Sandwich
“Your idea will not work.”
“This is absolutely wrong way to do it.”
“I wonder if you ever deliver on time.”
Have you been at the receiving end of such feedback? Or have you been at the offering end of the table?
In either case, the response from the above-mentioned types of feedback is not very pleasing or welcoming, and such feedback is incapable of bringing the desired changes for 3 simple reasons:
- Lack of rapport plays a spoilsport
- Focus is more on the problem, rather than solution
- It directly attacks the person rather than the behaviour.
Feedback aimed at identity rather than behaviour is more likely to be taken personally. When criticised at the identity level, the person is less likely to be in an appropriate state to learn what they need to learn – or may even dig their heels in and refuse to take any of it on board.
As a solution, what if giving feedback was as easy as a sandwich?
Yes, In NLP, the Feedback Sandwich method works on the principle that “People are not their Behaviour.” This equation works on providing the feedback on the overall behaviour – what worked as well as what needs to improve, and therefore draws better possibilities of changing the behaviour.
How can you structure a feedback sandwich?
- First layer – State what behaviour you appreciate about the person.
- Second layer/filling – State what behaviour you would like them to improve.
- Third layer- Appreciate the overall positive intention of the person.
The receiver of the feedback considers it more holistic, as the positive behaviour is also being acknowledged rather than only the negative behaviour being highlighted.
Can you think of situations in your life where you can notice the difference by simply applying the Feedback Sandwich approach?
Meta- Magic – The Prescription of Perspective
Despite having everything in life, Max used to live in the town just like a shadow among the live tapestries. Unable to discover why he often felt lonely in crowds and like an alien even amongst known people, he went and expressed this to a colleague, Rohn.
Rohn knew a friend who was an NLP practitioner. When Max went to Rohn’s friend, she gave him four envelopes and said, “There is one prescription in each of the envelopes. Open them in order, follow it, and come back to me once you are done following all 4.”
Max unpacked the first envelope and read –
VISIT THE VILLAGE SQUARE AT NOON
At the village square, he observed children giggling as they chased each other, vendors eagerly peddling their wares, and couples whispering secrets. The energy of life surrounded him, and for the first time in years, a hint of a smile touched his lips.
The second envelope read –
SPEND A DAY IN THE FOREST OF WHISPERS
As Max ventured deep into the forest, the world changed. Birds chirped harmoniously, the rustling leaves told ancient tales, and the earth beneath him felt alive. He inhaled deeply, allowing the calmness of the forest to sweep over him. His heart, which had felt so heavy, now began to feel lighter.
It was time for the third envelope –
WALK ALONG THE SHORES OF AZURE BAY DURING SUNSET
At the beach, the consistent dance of the waves against the shore mesmerized Max. The setting sun painted the sky with shades of orange and purple, and the immensity of the horizon recalled to him of life’s endless possibilities. He sensed a connection to something greater than himself.
The fourth prescription read –
REFLECT AT THE TOWN’S GRAVEYARD AT DAWN
Amidst the quiet gravestones, Max pondered the fleeting nature of life. Each stone hinted at a story, each name a reminder of the brevity of life. It was here that he understood the importance of valuing every moment.
It was time to go back to the NLP practitioner. This time, Max’s eyes had spark and before she could say anything, he blurted out, “I have discovered the hidden joy in life when I stopped ruminating about my anxieties, which never happened in real. I have learned to look beyond my joys and sorrows.”
His life took a shift with a simple prescription of perspectives.
My Question to You: Which prescription you are going to choose for yourself?
Hook From The Book
“When you find that you have not accomplished some of your goals (which will inevitably happen), do not criticize yourself or assume that you have failed. Simply acknowledge clearly to yourself that you have not accomplished that goal, and decide whether or not it is still a goal for you; that is, decide whether you want to set it again for yourself, or whether you want to let it go. It is most important that you acknowledge unaccomplished goals in this way. Otherwise, they may accumulate in the back of your mind and you will feel unconsciously that you have “failed,” which will eventually make you tend to avoid the goal-setting process.”- Creative Visualisation by Shakti Gawain
Movie Motivation
“Zindagi jeene ke do hi tarike hote hai: Ek jo ho raha hai hone do, bardaasht karte jao; Ya phir zimmedari uthao usse badalne ki” (Translated to “There are only two ways to live life: One is to let what is happening happen, keep tolerating; Or otherwise take responsibility to change it.”) This power-packed dialogue from the movie Rang De Basanti directly relates to the fundamental premise in NLP that in every area of life, we can either be in Cause mode (taking responsibility as a Champion) or we can be in the Effect mode (complaining or tolerating as a Victim).
My question to you is – in which area of your life are you always taking responsibility? and in which area of your life are you always complaining or tolerating?
This Week’s Winning Post
As you start realizing the simplicity as well as the powerful impact of NLP, I invite you to share the link to the NLP Course with your friends and family too. Here is the link for you: http://www.learnnlp.in
See you next week!
Thoughtfully Yours,
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