fbpx
How to banish unwanted thoughts

How to banish unwanted thoughts

We all have them from time to time – some nagging thoughts keep popping into your head, and you can’t seem to banish them. They keep coming back at inopportune times, or whenever you least expect it.

You keep trying to change the thought, focus on something else. But the unwanted thought and the feelings associated with it keep nagging at you.

So how do you get rid of it? Is there a way?

 

Here are three simple yet powerful ways to banish unwanted thoughts using NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming).

Much of our daily activities and thoughts are unconsciously and unintentionally operating. If we can learn ways of getting better control over our thoughts, feelings and behaviours, and if we can be in control of how we respond to various situations, we can attain greater success in many areas of our lives.

NLP teaches, among other things, that our physiology, feelings and thoughts are interrelated. Our emotions and thoughts ebb and flow, and sometimes we get stuck with a repetitive and unwanted thought. We call them bad thoughts. It does not help to try and think of something else or deny that they exist. Attempting to avoid the thought keeps you paying attention to it, and in some ways, reinforces the thought.

 

1. “It’s just a thought!”

Making the connection between the thought and the feeling that arises from it is the problem. Thoughts and feelings are neither positive or negative, it’s the label we ascribe to them that colors our view of them. A thought or an emotion is just a thought or emotion; it has no “meaning” in and of itself. It may be an opinion or idea about something. It is when we attach feelings to our thoughts that they become powerful – and especially if we choose to act on them; that’s when we incur problems.

You may think your thoughts and feelings are real and not imagined, but keep in mind that there are usually many different ways any situation can be interpreted.

Everything we experience is filtered through our senses, our expectations, and our past experiences and how we learned to interpret them. The subconscious mind does not know the difference between real and imaginary.

The beliefs we hold tend to distort “reality.” The mind selectively chooses evidence that supports the belief, rejecting anything that does not support it.

Often in a given situation, there is an associative thought, which is a past memory of an experience that gets connected to a particular feeling or emotion. You can learn some effective strategies to banish or disempower these thoughts.

When you get an unwanted thought, remind yourself that it’s just a thought. It doesn’t mean it is real or true.

You’ll start to realize these thoughts are not worth thinking. The connection between the thought and feeling gets interrupted and broken, as the mind will get bored with them and pretty soon, you will not be thinking them.

 

2. Intentionally invite the thought

Allow yourself to intentionally call up the thought at times and situations that you choose. When we expect a thought to occur, it does, and then thinking about having the thought leads to anxiety and fear about having it. Resisting the thought will make it persist. This is a natural thing that happens occasionally to people.

When you deliberately think the unwanted thought, associate into it; be in your body, seeing, hearing and feeling what you see, hear and feel. Repeat this exercise at various times during the week. An amazing thing happens–the brain starts to learn that the thought is something that can be switched on or off at will. It is no longer automatic, out of your control.

 

3. White it out

A great technique is to let it go to “white out.” You’re having your unwanted thought, you say to yourself “It’s just a thought,” take a deep breath, relax, and see the image go to white out, like turning up the brightness knob on your TV until the picture fades to white. Practice as much as is necessary; you can learn to white it out instantly.

Do share in the comments below which technique works best for you. Bid farewell to unwanted thoughts.

To find out more about my live online interactive workshops and courses on Neuro Linguistic Programming by clicking here: https://w3coach.com/events/

For more powerful and relevant articles and secrets on enhancing your Wealth, Wisdom and Wellness, follow me on my personal blog https://w3coach.com/blog/ now.

Click here to connect with Your W3 Coach across all digital platforms.

How NLP can help you in your personal life

How NLP can help you in your personal life

When it comes to personal development, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) can give you a better understanding of how your mind functions in various experiences. It allows you to have more patience with those people around you by giving you tools to respond effectively in any given moment. You will learn skills that will enhance your life and be of great benefit to you.

 

Want to be a better learner?

In the area of education, you can accomplish all your academic goals by learning how to learn best. Our mind acts like a recording device and processes information through the five senses. Through NLP you can discover which sensory system allows you to best take in information in the most effective way in any given situation.

Many people deal with learning issues. Spelling doesn’t have to be a problem any more, when you shed those strategies that you may have been taught, and are not working for you.

For example, you may be trying to spell phonetically by sounding out words, which requires you to access auditory memory. In case you are a person who learns better with visual senses, then a better strategy would be to conquer spelling with ease by recalling a picture of the word spelled correctly in your mind.

Learning issues can vanish when you use the right sensory process and strategy for storing information and accessing your memory recall.

 

Want to be a more effective parent?

NLP helps you understand the basic differences between responses of the child’s mind vs. the adult mind. When you approach children from their map of the world, they feel understood and are much more willing to open up and really communicate. With NLP you learn to pace the emotional world of the child, so that you are able to be in tune with how they think and why they behave as they do. They can grow up confident, self-sufficient and independent, and realize their full potential without having to go through therapy as adults to undo well-meaning but misguided parenting techniques.

 

Not just parenting, what about your other relationships?

NLP gives you techniques to help you become a better listener and observer which radically enhances your effectiveness in all your relationships, be it with a partner, a child, a friend or a colleague.

 

Want to get better at a sport?

If you desire to perform better at sports, mental attitude is of paramount importance whether you are competing in community activities or at higher levels. Your mental attitude is very much involved in what kind of results you achieve – whether positive or negative (and, of course, this applies to all endeavors, not just sports). NLP teaches you how to put yourself into that optimum state which is often called “the zone.”

 

NLP presents methods that are effective and enduring, that enable you to clear the blockages from your past that may have been holding you back. You create the future you want as you begin to move in a positive direction.

 

You develop strategies for taking total control over your feelings, so that you are the one in the driver’s seat. You accept responsibility for your feelings and actions at any given time, and can move your life in the direction you want to go.

 

With NLP you can hone your mind into a concentrated focused state or access any resourceful state that you want at any time, allowing the flexibility you need to achieve your desired result.

 

Get some powerful recommended books on NLP at www.w3coach.com/nlp-books

To find out more about my live online interactive workshops and courses on Neuro Linguistic Programming by clicking here: https://w3coach.com/events/

To join the 21 email series of Basic NLP, join here for here: bit.ly/w3nlpemail

 

For more powerful and relevant articles and secrets on enhancing your Wealth, Wisdom and Wellness, follow me on my personal blog https://w3coach.com/blog/ now.

Click here to connect with Your W3 Coach across all digital platforms.

 

11 Simple Steps to Effective Decision Making

11 Simple Steps to Effective Decision Making

 

 

Effective decision making is one of the secrets to a more enjoyable and satisfying life. Here is a proven 11-step process for mastering the art of decision-making and thereby enhancing the quality of your life.

1. Decide what you are aiming to accomplish.

Getting a clarity on the desired outcome is the first step to a smoother decision making process. What is the end result that you are hoping for?

  • Maximize your income?
  • Strengthen your relationship?
  • Minimize the financial or emotional cost?
  • Advance your career?

 

 

2. Make a list of your resources.

What resources do you possess that are applicable to following through on your possible options? Imagine you had to undertake renovation for your house. You would determine which tools you have available for the job and then make a plan based upon those available resources.

3. Brainstorm possible choices.

Make a long list of all the choices or options available to you. A better way to do this would be using the technique of mind mapping. An important aspect to note at this stage is to avoid judging your options too quickly. This is the step of idea generation. Do not mix this with idea evaluation. You can evaluate these options later.

4. Consider the odds of success.

For each idea, choice or option generated above, consider the odds of success. At this stage, you can discard the solutions which stand a lower chance of success.

5. Consider the time and money involved.

In addition to the resources you have already identified, weigh the choices with the resources that would be needed. A quick mental cost-benefit exercise will help to evaluate the options better.

6. What are the risks?

Assess the possibilities of what could go wrong and what are the ramifications of each option.

7. Is the upside worth the risk?

Some options are riskier than others, but the greater potential rewards are often worth the extra risk. Assess how much do you stand to gain.

8. What are the long-term implications?

Consider the consequences of each option beyond just the short term obvious scenarios. Who will be affected by your decision? What does your decision mean 10 years from now? What will you gain and sacrifice in the long-term?

9. Can you trust yourself to follow through?

A good decision that you can’t complete is no better than a poor decision or no decision at all. Sometimes the solution with the best likely outcome is too challenging to implement. Do you have the skills and the stamina to follow through?

10. Keep your values in mind.

Many options could be unacceptable due to your values. Keep your values in mind and you’ll be less likely to regret your decision later. Know what’s important to you.

11. Avoid taking too much time to make a solution.

There have been several studies on the differences between “satisficers” and “maximizers”.

  • A satisficer looks for the quickest, easiest solution that meets their criteria. That doesn’t mean they settle. It means that they accept the first solution that satisfies their needs and run with it.
  • A maximizer continues searching until the best possible solution is found.

Studies consistently show that satisficers are more successful and happier than maximizers. Avoid spending more time than necessary searching for a solution.

 

The most successful people make wise decisions, decide quickly, and follow through. Improving the quality and speed of your decisions may be the fastest path to a more satisfying life.

Making good decisions is important. Most challenges in life could have been avoided with wiser decisions. Most people take too much time to make decisions and they make decisions poorly. And, even worse, the surest way to ensure that you never make any progress is to never make any decisions.

 

For more powerful and relevant articles and secrets on enhancing your Wealth, Wisdom and Wellness, follow me on my personal blog https://w3coach.com/blog/ now.

Click here to connect with Your W3 Coach across all digital platforms.

9 Strategies to Find Wisdom

9 Strategies to Find Wisdom

We are drowning in Information while starving for Wisdom – E. O. Wilson
Firstly, let’s understand what is Wisdom. Wisdom is the ability to use your knowledge and experience to make good decisions and judgments. Wisdom is not only knowledge that is born out of experiences, wisdom is also knowing when to apply what you know in sensible ways.  It’s the ability to discern inner qualities. Whenever you’re struggling with a life situation or phase, having the wisdom to navigate the rough waters can be emotionally life-saving. But where and how do you find wisdom when you need it?
Wisdom is associated with attributes such as unbiased judgment, compassion, experiential self-knowledge, self-transcendence and non-attachment. Let’s explore a few “places” where we can find wisdom.

1. Call or meet an elderly person or parents:
Wisdom comes with age. Elderly people / parents can be considered as a bank of intellectual capital. Even though you might not currently have the type of relationship where you willingly seek guidance from them but it’s never too late to start.
Your relationship with your parents and elders will be enhanced and you’ll experience one of the most rewarding emotional connections possible in life. Seek out your parents or any elderly person you know and trust for some much-needed information. They will definitely have a different perspective and will show you the other side of the coin.

 

2. Reflect over relevant past experiences:
Self-reflection is turning our attention inward to consider what we are feeling at a given moment, why we acted in such a way, and how our past experiences have shaped us. Because wisdom is intricately connected with experiences, think about how you have dealt with a similar situation. Think about anything related to that type of situation that you’ve been through in the past.

 

  • What did you do then?
  • How would that action work now?
  • How could you tweak the action to work in your current situation?

 

Strive to learn from and even use something from your prior experience to get through the current crisis. Remember, there are no setbacks, there are only learnings. Turn your Wounds into Wisdom.

3. Read a self-help book:

Books can be incredibly powerful. They have the ability to suck us in, take us on adventures, and influence the way we think. They can teach us, move us, give us new perspectives, and help shape us. Reflect on what you read. Which parts will work for you now? What did the author say that you really appreciated or found enlightening?

4. Talk your heart out with friends:

Friends are the ones whom you can count upon, the ones who accept you for who you are, and honest enough to show you the mirror. They may offer some insight from their own experience that could be of great help to you now. Embrace their stories and experiences.

Friends will often share stories and follow them with comments such as, “This is what I did and it did not work for me,” which can also shed some effective insight on your current struggle.

5. Observe and Listen:

Believe it or not, wisdom might be “happening” right in front of you. Watch others. What do they say? What do they do? Open your eyes and learn from the experiences of others. The fact is that others are often offering their wisdom to us. We just don’t notice it. Re-discovering what is all around you is an effective channel to wisdom.

“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself” – Eleanor Roosevelt

6. Jump on the Technology Bandwagon:

Advances in technology have enabled us to seek and find all kinds of knowledge and information. Online platforms like Coursera, ITunes University, Udemy, etc. offer hundreds of courses that provide expertise, knowledge, and wisdom. If you consider yourself technologically challenged, then it is time to challenge yourself in this area.

7. Do some Soul-Searching:

Allow yourself time to focus on what’s going on inside you. Soul searching is an honest evaluation of your feelings and motives. An example of soul searching is when you take the time to meditate and think about the purpose of your life and what is most important to you. Do you have any strong gut feelings about how to handle a challenging situation? Sometimes, you can draw on your own wisdom to get you through an emotional storm. Soul searching is the examination of one’s conscience especially with regard to motives and values.

8. Work with a Coach:

A masterful coach is one who works with you to find your own solutions, through a thought-provoking and creative process, that inspires you to maximise your personal and professional potential. Find the right coach who inspires you and helps you to connect with your inner wisdom.

To understand more about coaching, watch the video here. As W3 Coach, I use Neuro Linguistic Programming to help my clients connect with your wisdom to overcome challenges and achieve goals. You may want to read more about my coaching approach as W3 Coach here.

9. Allow yourself to get inspired from external sources:

Whenever you take in new, fascinating information, you never know what can happen. If you’re looking for inspiration, check out the TED website. Listening to stories and speakers who’ve been through crises or possess great intellect will inspire you to think differently and perhaps enable you to develop your own useful wisdom.

 

Here are some more external sources of inspiration:

  • Surround yourself with things that energize you.
  • Listen to any kind of  music.
  • Learn more about your subject.
  • Take a trip. Travelling gives you so much of experience and inspiration.
  • Try a new art form.
  • Watch videos of talks and interviews of successful people.
  • Have a vision.
  • Money is a great motivator. Work towards achieving it.
  • Exercise to stay fit. Remember – Health is Wealth.
  • Practice Attitude of Gratitude.
  • Set healthy competition.

 

Finding wisdom is not as difficult as you might think. Contact a parent, an adult, reflect on prior experiences, read, or talk with cherished friends, or appoint a coach. Take note of what is happening around you, be observant. Use technology and allow yourself to become inspired through exposure to great intellect.

 

You’ll enrich your life in ways you haven’t even considered when you find wisdom using these strategies.

 

For more powerful and relevant articles and secrets on enhancing your Wealth, Wisdom and Wellness, follow me on my personal blog https://w3coach.com/blog/ now.

Click here to connect with Your W3 Coach across all digital platforms.

7 Ways to Overcome Overthinking

7 Ways to Overcome Overthinking

Do you find yourself spending too much time pondering and not enough time getting things done? You are not alone. A study from the University of Michigan found that 52% of adults in the age group of 45 to 55 years tend to overthink. This percentage is even higher in the age group of 25 to 35 years – as high of 73%.
The most successful people make decisions quickly and stick with them. The less successful ones take too long to decide and quickly change their mind afterwards.
Research has also found that most people who overthink believe that they are being responsible and cautious by taking their time to decide, but they are actually shooting themselves in the foot. There is no evidence to suggest that ruminating excessively on a decision results in a better outcome.
Overthinking actually results in a waste of time and lowers your confidence. How about making up your mind and getting on with your life? Here are some steps that can help you to make decisions confidently without unnecessary overthinking:

 

 

1. List down the pros and cons.
“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.” – Winston Churchill
Write down the advantages and disadvantages of the alternatives that you are considering for your decision making. Even better, use mindmapping as a tool to help to arrive at a decision. There is something magical about taking pen to paper when making decisions. By the time you are done, you will have a better idea of the right direction to take.

 

2. Be aware of and operate from your own core values.
“When you’ve had a life of overthinking, you have the same reaction time and time again. Shyness becomes habitual. When you’re put in an unfamiliar situation, all you want to do is retreat and hide by default. You watch but don’t participate. You listen but don’t respond. You read, but rarely comment. You take a photo, but you rarely post. You write, but you rarely publish. All of this is because your overthinking mind cannot stop thinking about how you will be perceived by the outside world.” – Joel Annesley
Decisions are more quickly and easily made when you know your core values. When you consider a choice, test it against your core values. Often, these choices aren’t the easiest, but are in your best interests.

 

3. Remember that you have the flexibility to always change your mind.
“Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and go in.” – Napoleon Bonaparte
There are few, if any, decisions you must stick with until your deathbed. Just knowing that you can change your mind later can give you the comfort needed to decide. It’s not possible to predict the future with 100% accuracy anyway.

 

4. Avoid paralysis by analysis.
“Thinking too much leads to paralysis by analysis. It’s important to think things through, but many use thinking as a means of avoiding action.” – Robert Herjavek
Overanalyzing doesn’t lead to better results. It leads to inactivity and confusion. The Armed Forces have a rule that you only need to be 70% certain to act. Even though you may not be in the military, the same principle applies to you. Often, the window of opportunity closes before the last 30% of the information can be gathered.

 

5. Think both short-term and long-term.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain
Ask yourself whether you’ll be happy with your decision in 15 minutes, 15 days, 15 months as well as in 15 years. Any decision that meets these criteria is a great decision.

 

6. Stay occupied.  
“Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.” – Leo Buscaglia
Those that overthink often have the luxury of too much free time. Busy people make decisions quicker because they don’t have the time to brood over every decision. Be more active in general. You’ll find it easier to make decisions in a timely fashion. Exercise is one way to stay busy. You don’t overthink when your body is tired.

 

7. Set a timer to make decisions.
“We can easily manage if we will only take, each day, the burden appointed to it. But the load will be too heavy for us if we carry yesterday’s burden over again today, and then add the burden of the morrow before we are required to bear it.” – John Newton
Most decisions don’t require weeks, or even days, to make. A couple of hours is more than sufficient most the time. Use a timer and put some focus on the issue. When you hear the alarm, it’s time to decide. A timer is an effective way to narrow your focus.

To sum up, keep in mind that a Good Decision Now is better than a Great Decision Later.

“In a moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing to do, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” – Theodore Roosevelt

 

I am reminded of a famous dialogue of Amitabh Bachchan:
“Itna mat soch… Soch gehri ho jaaye, Toh faisle kamzor ho jaate hai”
Translation: “Don’t think so much… As you think deeper, your decisions become weaker”

 

What are you waiting for? Success is more about making decent decisions and working hard than it is about making awesome decisions. Avoid overestimating the value of perfection and underestimating the value of action.

Version One is Better than Version None!!