Thoughtful Thought

“When you are aligned, your purpose falls in line.” – Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“The odd thing about believing you’re insecure is that people are always secure in the knowledge that they believe they’re insecure”.- Richard Bandler

One Minute NLP – Behavioral Flexibility

When one takes a hot shower, one doesn’t move the knob to the highest temperature directly, right? It begins by slowly setting the tap knob higher and stopping it where the temperature suits our skin.

In life, when specific goals are not achieved, if we use the same analogy of moving the knob of our behaviour bit by bit and fixing it to the one which fits well with our environment, capabilities and purpose, won’t this gradual knob movement become the mantra of our life?

This “knob” is better known as ‘behavioural flexibility’ in Neuro-Linguistic Programming. It is a skill where one can look back and not just measure what went right but also calibrate what went wrong and then again adjust the knob to re-align some parameters to resume in newer and empowering ways.

Behavioural flexibility can be your goldmine, the ability to win over day-to-day life situations, which ultimately paints the bigger picture of success. Let’s take the example of a particular goal of achieving a certain weight you could not reach. How can behavioural flexibility be your saviour here?

The first step would be to have a rear view and list the possible blocks. It may be the time you set, which was too short to achieve the big goal. It also might be overlooking an upcoming wedding in the family, where your health regime is supposedly going to be tossed. It may also be that your ‘why’ behind it was to prove your worth rather than aim to be fit. Or it might be a blurred understanding that fitness means weight loss. It may also be not having resources, not knowing techniques, not having the right knowledge or maybe not having an accountability partner.

Once you have the reasons listed, re-set the target by shifting the knob till the goal again looks achievable.

Happy Knob Turning.

Meta-Magic – When Defect Requires Effort…

“We would like to place a trial manufacturing order with you on one condition: we will accept only three defective pieces for every 10,000 pieces produced.” This was the strict specification given by the American computer giant IBM to their new Japanese component supplier.

When the components were delivered to IBM, there was a letter accompanying the delivery: “We, the Japanese people, had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 pieces have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment in a separate package mentioned – Defective pieces as required, not for use.”

My question to you is, in which area of your life would you like to attain this attitude of excellence? And how can you attain that?

Hook From The Book

“If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.” ― Norwegian Wood, Haruki Murakami

Movie Motivation

“If I cannot be the Sun that shines upon the Earth, I can still be a lamp and light up my street.” This inspiring line from the inspiring movie 12th Fail reminds us that we can create the change in our own capacity in any and every moment of life.

This Week’s Winning Post

Reflect with Respect, not with Regret

See you next week with the 50th Golden Jubilee Episode of NLP Around You.

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Thoughtful Thought

“In order to fix ourselves, we have to find the order of fixing.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“It is your decisions, and not your conditions, that determine your destiny.” – Tony Robbins

One Minute NLP – A powerful MCQ

How do you react when someone does something which is totally not aligned to what you expected them to do? Generally most people would get furious in such situations.

Now, how about being curious instead of being furious?

This is not about letting go of your expectations from the person, but rather being in the state of mind to curiously wonder what is it that is making that person behave in such a manner that is totally unexpected or uncalled for. To help you to integrate this thought process in your daily life, let me share with you my favourite MCQ – the Magical Curiosity Question.

The MCQ that you need to ask yourself in that moment is “What needs to happen in my life for me to think or behave like that?”

This powerful question, when processed with genuine curiosity about the other person’s model of the world, allows you to possibly see a different perspective and examine what kind of resourcefulness (or lack of it) that person is behaving from, or what could possibly be the positive intention of that behaviour if you could imagine yourself doing that behaviour.

I invite you to explore life with this MCQ, and share your experience with me.

Meta-Magic

“Dear Master, I am grateful that you accepted me with one arm, and I believe I have given all that I had to ace the Judo. It’s been three months under your guidance, and I await you to teach me the next move.” Asked Sui, a 10-year-old kid who had lost his left arm in an accident and, despite that, learnt Judo from his master.

“Yes, Sui, you have done wonders that even the ones with both hands cannot do. I am elated and proud to witness your journey. However, you don’t need to know any other move.” Master said this and smiled to give closure to their discussion. Sui could not ask for more and decided to trust the process.

After a few months, Sui performed in his first tournament. While his heart was racing fastest, he surprised himself by winning over 2 matches like a cakewalk. The third round was tricky, and Sui was not that hopeful. He kept buying time until the opponent got tired, and that’s when Sui used his only known move and won with flying colours again.

Sui had been at loggerheads in upcoming tournaments with more robust, sturdier and more experienced opponents. Still, none of that could stop Sui from winning every single time.

While the crowd was cheering, Sui’s mind had just one question echoing. While returning home with the master, he opened his heart and asked, “Master, How come I won every tournament by knowing just one move, that too against the ones who were masters like you?”

The master smiled,” Sui, you won because of 2 reasons. First, you aced the toughest move of judo. Second, to crack the agility of this move, the opponent has only one option, i.e. to attack your left arm, which you don’t have.”

My question to you is – What is the strength of your weakness?

Hook From The Book

“The driven, passionate ones give their best on ordinary days and that is why they are extraordinary.” ― Twinkle Khanna, Mrs Funnybones: She’s just like You and a lot like Me

Movie Motivation

“Zindagi jab muh pe darwaza bandh karti hai, tab  usey kholna nahi, todna padta hai” (translated to “When life shuts a door on your face, then instead of opening it, you need to break it”) This metaphorical line from the movie Ghoomer is a reminder that hardships are an opportunity to come up with more innovative solutions.

This Week’s Winning Post

Learn the unhelpful patterns to unlearn them

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Thoughtful Thought

“Mind is a meaning-making machine, and heart is an emotion-harvesting machine.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“The only justification for the application of NLP patterns is the creation of choice and precisely in the context in which choice presently does not exist.”- John Grinder

One Minute NLP – FLY ON THE WALL

“Memory is old and is afraid of new.”- Anonymous

Good memories are oxygen; they give life to passion. Bad memories are like fog; they blur your vision.

What is your sourest memory of having a misunderstanding or hurtful conversation?

In movie, “Eternal Sunshine of A Spotless Mind”, there is a tool to erase memories so the person can let go of the past’s sour taste. But that was a movie, right?

Guess the good news?

Neuro-Linguistic Programming has its own way to do the same.

How often has it happened that you have advices for other people’s limbos in life, but when it comes to your own, you hear crickets?

What is it that makes us so resourceful for other’s rainy days, and when it comes to thunders in our lives, there are clouds of confusion?

“FLY ON THE WALL” is one of the processes of Perceptual Positions in NLP, where you re-look at the same incident with different and detached eyes, as if the whole incident were a movie for you. In literature, we often know it as ‘third person’s point of view’.

Although there is a structure of this process, but for now, all you can do is to step out of your mind, and enter into a stranger’s mind and re-watch your own narrative with different eyes. What do you see? What is this Fly’s reality?

Meta-Magic – Which Wife Would You Care For?

A wealthy merchant had four wives, and he loved them differently.

He fulfilled every wish of his 4th wife and adorned her as the most precious person in the world.

His 3rd wife was the most beautiful one; he wanted to show her off to the world as his arm candy, but he was always scared that his 3rd wife would run away with someone. 

His 2nd wife provided him with solutions whenever rainy days loomed over him.

His 1st wife was managing it all in the background. His well-being, home, business and cleanliness. However he was the most ignorant towards his 1st wife. 

With age came the times of illness, and the merchant was detected with a fatal disease.

“I have done so much for you, my love. Would you come with me to my deathbed as a payoff for all this love that I showered on you?” The merchant asked the most challenging question to each of his wives individually.

The 4th wife immediately ran away, listening to this question. Her unexpectedly dry gesture appalled him. He went to his 3rd wife in the hope of a true companion, but even the third one said she was helpless, and she opened her heart that after his demise, she would prefer marrying someone else. The merchant was crestfallen.

He went to his 2nd wife, and she said, “I cannot come with you to the deathbed, but all I can do is to make you reach your grave gracefully.” The merchant could not believe his ears. He spent his whole life putting all these 3 wives on a pedestal, and now, when the end came, none of them was ready to accompany him.

“I am ready to come with you even on your deathbed.” He heard his 1st wife’s voice; it was the first time he scanned her properly. Due to his ignorance and her submissive acceptance, she had grown meek and fragile. He was overwhelmed with guilt that he never did anything for his 1st wife, and despite all that, she offered to be with him.

We all have these four wives.

The 4th wife is our body, which we adore and fulfil every desire. Still, the body is the first to leave us on deathbed. The 3rd wife is our wealth and assets, which can quickly switch owners. The 2nd wife is your family and friends, who cannot go to deathbed with you but can make sure that you reach to your grave gracefully.

Can you guess who is the 1st wife?

The 1st wife represents our soul, which we often forget, neglect, ignore and take for granted while running the rat race to achieve our goals.

MY Question – Which wife would you choose to care for?

Hook From The Book

“Workaholics aren’t heroes. They don’t save the day, they just use it up. The real hero is already home because she figured out a faster way to get things done.”
― Rework: Change The Way You Work Forever by Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson

Movie Motivation

“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” – This line from the movie Usual Suspects is a reminder to introspect within ourselves as to what are our limiting thoughts and beliefs that we are not even consciously aware of. Aren’t these thoughts like the Devil who convinces the world that he doesn’t exist?

This Week’s Winning Post

Practical Skills Worth Learning

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Thoughtful Thought

“When a door closes, first check whether it is actually locked. Or does it just need a push?”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“Remember, the journey is the destination.”- John Grinder

One Minute NLP – Goal v/s State

Often when asked to share their goals, some people reply with statements like “I want to be happy, I want to be confident, I want to be calm or less angry.”

What is important to understand from NLP perspective is that neither of these are goals. These are emotional states. 

So how do we know what is a Goal and what is a State? And how does it matter?

A goal is a tangible outcome and has an element of time involved because there has to be some action to achieve the goal.

States are usually nebulous and intangibly defined. There need not be any steps to achieve a state.

State is something you can have right now. People often make the mistake of assuming or believing that they can achieve a state only when some other criteria is fulfilled. Factually, you can have any feeling that you want right now without doing or achieving something to have it. Emotions, feelings, states have no requirement of time.

For example, if you want to feel happy, you can think of a happy moment right now. And as simply as you got your state of happiness, it can be as easily reversed by now thinking about a sad moment. 

So, the next time your mind comes up with a so-called goal that is actually an emotional state like wanting to be happy, ask yourself – 

“What do you need to do to be happy? What needs to happen to get that happiness?”

When you convert your emotional states to action, you move a step closer towards the clarity of your Goal. So, when you are planning your goals, make sure you check the difference between goals and state. Make your goals tangible and clear.

Meta-Magic – Lessons on Transformation:

A pack of insects inside a pond panicked when they noticed a particular pattern – Any insect that went to the surface of the pond would never come back! An emergency meeting was held.

“I will go to the surface this time, and I will make sure to come back and tell you all what is happening at the surface of the pond,” one of the insects blurted out with a swollen chest and determined eyes.

The next day, the insect sat on the floating lily leaves. Nothing happened for a few days, and he enjoyed the warmth of the Sun.

He did not know that the Sun’s warmth was strengthening his body to transform into a dragonfly and one day, he found wings flapping on his body. He was not an insect anymore. It was a rebirth as a dragonfly.

He relished the newfound freedom and used to take flight every day with joy. One day, he saw his reflection in the pond, and there, he saw the insects inside the pond. This reminded him of his promise.

He went near the water and tried to take a dip, but alas!

He realized he was now a dragonfly; he could not go back.

The erstwhile ant began to reflect on his process of transformation:

1. Had he not aspired, he would not have got wings. Those who did not aspire remained insects.
2. Once he got transformed, even if he wanted to, he could not go back to the pack. 
3. Even if he would have managed to go to the pack, they would not have recognized him. 
4. Despite wanting to do something for the pack, all he could do was to keep flying as a dragonfly and trust that someday someone would aspire while getting inspired by him.

My question to you is – What lessons did you learn from this process of transformation?

Hook From The Book

“Most problems we face in life, as I have said already, happen in our minds. Furthermore, problems generally exist in our concept of the past and the future. The past and the future don’t exist except in our minds.” – Richard Bandler, Get the Life You Want: The Secrets to Quick and Lasting Life Change with Neuro-Linguistic Programming

Movie Motivation

“Kahin pahunchne ke liye kahin se nikalna bahut zaroori hota hai.” (translated as: “In order to reach somewhere, it is very important to leave from somewhere” – This dialogue from the movie Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani is quite relatable to the Meta Magic story of the Ant’s transformation to the Dragonfly. How do you relate this with your life?

This Week’s Winning Post

How to Make Your Learning Your Lifestyle

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria