Welcome to yet another episode of the world of NLP Around You

Thoughtful Thought

“Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there are mistakes, there is another way.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“Any fool can know. The point is to understand.”- Albert Einstein

One Minute NLP – Feedback Sandwich
“Your idea will not work.”

“This is absolutely wrong way to do it.”

“I wonder if you ever deliver on time.”

Have you been at the receiving end of such feedback? Or have you been at the offering end of the table?

In either case, the response from the above-mentioned types of feedback is not very pleasing or welcoming, and such feedback is incapable of bringing the desired changes for 3 simple reasons:

1. Lack of rapport plays a spoilsport
2. Focus is more on the problem, rather than solution
3. It directly attacks the person rather than the behaviour.

Feedback aimed at identity rather than behaviour is more likely to be taken personally. When criticised at the identity level, the person is less likely to be in an appropriate state to learn what they need to learn – or may even dig their heels in and refuse to take any of it on board.

As a solution, what if giving feedback was as easy as a sandwich?

Yes, In NLP, the Feedback Sandwich method works on the principle that “People are not their Behaviour.” This equation works on providing the feedback on the overall behaviour – what worked as well as what needs to improve, and therefore draws better possibilities of changing the behaviour.

How can you structure a feedback sandwich?

1. First layer – State what behaviour you appreciate about the person.
2. Second layer/filling – State what behaviour you would like them to improve.
3. Third layer- Appreciate the overall positive intention of the person.

The receiver of the feedback considers it more holistic, as the positive behaviour is also being acknowledged rather than only the negative behaviour being highlighted.

Can you think of situations in your life where you can notice the difference by simply applying the Feedback Sandwich approach?

Meta- Magic – The Prescription of Perspective

Despite having everything in life, Max used to live in the town just like a shadow among the live tapestries. Unable to discover why he often felt lonely in crowds and like an alien even amongst known people, he went and expressed this to a colleague, Rohn.

Rohn knew a friend who was an NLP practitioner. When Max went to Rohn’s friend, she gave him four envelopes and said, “There is one prescription in each of the envelopes. Open them in order, follow it, and come back to me once you are done following all 4.”

Max unpacked the first envelope and read – 

VISIT THE VILLAGE SQUARE AT NOON

At the village square, he observed children giggling as they chased each other, vendors eagerly peddling their wares, and couples whispering secrets. The energy of life surrounded him, and for the first time in years, a hint of a smile touched his lips.

The second envelope read – 

SPEND A DAY IN THE FOREST OF WHISPERS

As Max ventured deep into the forest, the world changed. Birds chirped harmoniously, the rustling leaves told ancient tales, and the earth beneath him felt alive. He inhaled deeply, allowing the calmness of the forest to sweep over him. His heart, which had felt so heavy, now began to feel lighter.

It was time for the third envelope – 

WALK ALONG THE SHORES OF AZURE BAY DURING SUNSET

At the beach, the consistent dance of the waves against the shore mesmerized Max. The setting sun painted the sky with shades of orange and purple, and the immensity of the horizon recalled to him of life’s endless possibilities. He sensed a connection to something greater than himself.

The fourth prescription read – 

REFLECT AT THE TOWN’S GRAVEYARD AT DAWN

Amidst the quiet gravestones, Max pondered the fleeting nature of life. Each stone hinted at a story, each name a reminder of the brevity of life. It was here that he understood the importance of valuing every moment.

It was time to go back to the NLP practitioner. This time, Max’s eyes had spark and before she could say anything, he blurted out, “I have discovered the hidden joy in life when I stopped ruminating about my anxieties, which never happened in real. I have learned to look beyond my joys and sorrows.”

His life took a shift with a simple prescription of perspectives.

My Question to You: Which prescription you are going to choose for yourself?

Hook From The Book

“When you find that you have not accomplished some of your goals (which will inevitably happen), do not criticize yourself or assume that you have failed. Simply acknowledge clearly to yourself that you have not accomplished that goal, and decide whether or not it is still a goal for you; that is, decide whether you want to set it again for yourself, or whether you want to let it go. It is most important that you acknowledge unaccomplished goals in this way. Otherwise, they may accumulate in the back of your mind and you will feel unconsciously that you have “failed,” which will eventually make you tend to avoid the goal-setting process.”- Creative Visualisation by Shakti Gawain

Movie Motivation

“Zindagi jeene ke do hi tarike hote hai: Ek jo ho raha hai hone do, bardaasht karte jao; Ya phir zimmedari uthao usse badalne ki” (Translated to “There are only two ways to live life: One is to let what is happening happen, keep tolerating; Or otherwise take responsibility to change it.”) This power-packed dialogue from the movie Rang De Basanti directly relates to the fundamental premise in NLP that in every area of life, we can either be in Cause mode (taking responsibility as a Champion) or we can be in the Effect mode (complaining or tolerating as a Victim). 

My question to you is – in which area of your life are you always taking responsibility? and in which area of your life are you always complaining or tolerating?

This Week’s Winning Post

3 easy ways to be Assertive

As you start realizing the simplicity as well as the powerful impact of NLP, I invite you to share the link to the NLP Course with your friends and family too. Here is the link for you: http://www.learnnlp.in 

See you next week!

Thoughtfully Yours,

Now that you have started exploring life beyond just the plain vanilla moments, let’s dive into this week’s episode of NLP Around You.

Thoughtful Thought

“Choosing to be inflexible is also a part of flexibility.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“If it is worth feeling bad about, it is worthy of amnesia.”- Richard Bandler

One Minute NLP – “Everyone has all the resources that they need”

Everyone has the potential to succeed and achieve their desired outcomes. They have all the tools and capabilities they need, but the key is to tap into those resources fully and take action. The real challenge is not a lack of resources or knowledge, but rather a lack of awareness that all these resources are within us. This NLP presupposition reminds us that our goal should be to become aware of the useful resources that are inherent within us, and take the necessary steps to achieve our goals.

A lot of NLP tools and techniques are focused on how to be aware of your resources, so that you can continue to perform at the peak of your potential whenever needed.

You can empower yourself with the tools and techniques of NLP by joining the complimentary weekend course here: http://learnnlp.in/

Meta- Magic – Do you need a Vitamin E Booster?

“Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Ghosh! how could you do this, Rohn!” Sherry jerked her hands a bit violently while admonishing her husband, Rohn. Before Rohn could clarify, there was another blow. “Nope. Not this time Rohn. No explanations this time. Do you have any freaking idea what have you done at a place of worship like the Church?” Sherry came forward and gazed into his eyes.

Rohn strode outside the Church without any word and he could feel tears wrestling to cross the border of his eyes. “Men don’t cry.” He said to himself and sighed a little deeper.

Rohn had begun his day with chirping birds this Sunday and together he went hand in hand with his beloved wife Sherry to the Church for Sunday prayers. Little did he know that his chirping Sunday would suddenly become the angry remix of everyone around him. When his phone rang in the Church, the ringtone was piercing enough to disturb the tranquility in the Church. All heads were turned to him, yet he realized the intensity of it only when he was admonished by all for not keeping his phone on silent. Today he realised the pressure of committing a sin and its aftereffects. He decided never to go to the Church again.

In the evening, Rohn went to the bar. While taking his first few sips, the voices in his head began punching in nervousness again. This made him drop his whiskey glass shattering on the floor. He was too immobile to move. Some people stood up immediately and rushed towards Rohn. He closed his eyes assuming that now he would be beaten as the whiskey got spilled on them.

To his surprise, they all asked for his well-being as the bottle was made of glass. He was offered a complimentary drink and the bar owner lady assured him, “Come on man, who doesn’t make mistakes.”

Since then, that bar has become his second home.

The difference that really makes the difference is normalizing mistakes and cultivating more empathy. This vitamin E (Empathy) is a vital element to nourish humanity.

My question to you is: How do you exercise Vitamin E (Empathy) when someone makes a mistake?

Hook From The Book

“If someone is inconsiderate or rude to you, risk telling them how it made you feel or that you didn’t appreciate being treated that way. If you tend to talk yourself out of anger by telling yourself that you don’t want to make waves, try telling yourself instead that it is okay to make waves sometimes and risk letting people know how you really feel.”-  

– Beverly Engel, The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused – And Start Standing Up for Yourself

Movie Motivation

Arjun: “That’s the plan. 40 ke baad I’ll retire and…”
(Translated: “That’s the plan. After 40, I’ll retire and…”)

Laila: “Dude, tumhe kaise pata tum 40 tak zinda rahoge? Seize the day my friend. Pehle is din ko poori tarah jiyo”

(Translated: “Dude, how do you know that you will be alive till the age of 40? Seize the day my friend. First live this day fully.”

This conversation from Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara reminds us to fully live in the present moment NOW!

This Week’s Winning Post

The 7 Cs of Communication

Empower yourself with a complimentary online weekend course of NLP by registering here: http://learnnlp.in/ 

See you next week!

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

The fruits of this newsletter lie in the actions you take and the reflections you create about your life.

Thoughtful Thought

“Believing what to believe is also a belief.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“The easier you can make it inside your head, the easier things will be outside your head.”- Richard Bandler

One Minute NLP – “There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states”

State, in NLP, refers to our emotional state of being at any point of time. 

Resources, in NLP, refer to all the solutions that we believe we need that would help us in any situation. These solutions may be in the form of external resources (like help from others), or they may even be internal resources (like our beliefs, skills, talents, wisdom, knowledge, intelligence, etc). 

At times, there are situations where we are not able to access these resources which are within ourselves. And it is at these times that we often end up labeling ourselves in a disempowering or limiting manner – e.g.: “I shout at my colleagues for no reason”, “I always goof up in public speaking”, etc.

“There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states” What this particular presupposition of NLP reminds us is that people are not unresourceful, but the state in which they are at that moment is not appropriate for them to access these resources. In the above examples, 

Behaviour = shouting at colleagues for no reason; Unresourceful State = anger

Behaviour = Goof up in public speaking; Unresourceful State = nervousness

A lot of NLP tools and techniques are focused on how to be aware of your “state” and how to change your state from an unresourceful one to a more resourceful one, so that you can continue to perform at the peak of your potential whenever needed.

You can empower yourself with the tools and techniques of NLP by joining the complimentary weekend course here: www.learnnlp.in

Meta- Magic – It’s Not Always Plain Vanilla

A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:

“This is the second time I have written to you, and I don’t blame you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of Ice-Cream for dessert after dinner each night, but the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we’ve eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It’s also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem…. You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice cream, when I start back from the store my car won’t start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I’m serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds “What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?””

The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter but sent an Engineer to check it out anyway. The Engineer intentionally sought the post-dinner time to meet the customer, so he could experience the problem first-hand. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn’t start.

The Engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start. The Engineer was flabbergasted. Could a car ever be allergic to Vanilla?

“Is Vanilla really the problem?” He asked himself and that’s when he began to shift his attention to other aspects and began taking note of time of day, type of gas used, time to drive back and forth, etc. 

Within few days, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Yes! The ice cream store was arranged in such a way that Vanilla was the quickest accessible flavour at the front of the store. All other flavours were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavour.

Now, the question for the Engineer was why the car wouldn’t start when it took less time. Eureka – Time was now the problem – not the vanilla ice cream!!!! The engineer quickly came up with the answer: “vapour lock”.

It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavours allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapour lock to dissipate!

My question to you is: What areas of your life need a deeper look beyond just a plain vanilla approach?

Hook From The Book

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”- Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

Movie Motivation

“…Toh kaisi lagi kahani? Ending khaarab hain an? Toh koi baat nahi, apni kahani hain, ending change kar lenge.” This dialogue from the movie Tamasha (translated to: “So how did you like the story? Ending is bad, isn’t it? No problem, it is our story, let’s change the ending.”) A very impactful dialogue that reminds us that we are the writer of our own story, and we have the power to choose how our story will end.

This Week’s Winning Post

Questions you can ask for Clarity

See you next week!

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Let’s dive into yet another episode of NLP Around You hitting the bull’s eye to stir up your thoughts.

Thoughtful Thought

“Focus on improving yourself, rather than proving yourself.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“The best thing about the past is that it’s over. The best thing about the future is that it is yet to come. The best thing about the present is that it is here and now.”- Richard Bandler

One Minute NLP – Auditory Digital

While we have previously understood that all thoughts are stored in the forms of internal representations, these internal representations are not just limited to the 5 senses of visual (sight), auditory (sound), kinaesthetic (touch), olfactory (smell) or gustatory (taste). There is a 6th representational system as well. This is when instead of activating our sensory-related thinking, we begin to apply logic and analysis. This in NLP is called the “Auditory Digital”, represented often by an internal dialogue using rationalisation and computation processes in the head. 

For example, a proposal put forth in a meeting is processed differently by different participants. The person responding “This looks good”  pictures the idea with the visual representation system. “This sounds good”  tells you there is an auditory representation system at work. The person who is processing the information using auditory-digital would probably respond with “This makes sense” or “Let me understand this better.”

Meta- Magic – You are not the apple you sell

Imagine you start a wonderful fruit store, and you decide to sell apples. With a lot of passion, you make all the necessary efforts to lay out the store in a way that the best of the best apples are displayed for the customers to buy at the most reasonable prices in the market.

Now, let’s say a prospect walks into your store and looks around at all the apples. You excitedly show him the best of the apples. He doesn’t show any interest. You explain how apples are best for his health. He is not interested. You explain to him about all the efforts you have made in logistically bringing the fresh apples from the farms. He is still not interested. You offer a great price discount for the day. Even that doesn’t interest him.

He finally walks away without buying anything. How would this make you feel? Rejected? Dejected? And yes, most people do take rejection personally!

Now, let me tell you why he was not interested. Because he was looking for oranges, and you didn’t have them. He was not rejecting you. He was rejecting what you had to offer, only because what he wanted was different from what you were offering. 

My question to you is: The next time, when rejection knocks at your door, what would be the first thing you would say to yourself? How would you ensure that you do not take any rejection personally?

Hook From The Book

“Home is not where you land, home is where you launch. You can’t pick your home any more than you can choose your family.”- An American Marriage by Tayari Jones

Movie Motivation

This week’s dialogue is contributed by Dr. Hemant Chauhan

“Great men are not born great. They grow great.” This dialogue from The Godfather reminds us that even the sky is not the limit when one decides to achieve levels of greatness.

This Week’s Winning Post

Where are you casting your vote today?

Finally, here is a reminder to cast your vote once again for the Coach Awards where I have been nominated for the Best Executive Coach. The voting lines close on 10th September 2023.

Vote Here

See you next week!

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria

Thank you for leaving no stone unturned in voting for me for the Award of the Best Executive Coach. In case you are yet to cast your vote, here is the link: https://www.coachawards.com/executivecoach/dr.-mehernosh-j-randeria

Thoughtful Thought

“In order to invite knowledge as a guest, keep the doors of learning always open.”- Dr Mehernosh J Randeria

NLP Quote Corner

“Wisdom comes from experience, but experience is not enough. Experience anticipated and experience revisited is the true source of wisdom.”- Richard Bandler

One Minute NLP – Submodalities

Imagine that you are watching a movie. The movie is playing on a big screen in front of you. The image is bright and clear, and the sound is loud and crisp. You are completely immersed in the movie, and you feel all of the emotions that the characters are feeling.

Now, imagine that you change certain elements of the movie, without actually changing the content of the movie.

– You make the image smaller and dimmer.

– You also turn down the sound.

The movie is still playing, but it is not as immersive as it was before. You are no longer feeling as much of the emotions that you could relate to earlier.

These properties of visual and audio effects of the movie are the things that make it real to you. They are the properties that make you feel the emotions of the characters. These properties are what we call as “Submodalities” in NLP. By changing the submodalities, you can change the way you experience the movie.

The same thing is true for our thoughts and feelings. All our thoughts are represented by one of these representational systems:

• Visual: We see things in our mind’s eye.
• Auditory: We hear things in our mind’s ear.
• Kinesthetic: We feel things in our body.
• Olfactory: We smell things in our mind’s nose.
• Gustatory: We taste things in our mind’s mouth.
• Digital: We think in words, numbers and logic.

Each of the above representational systems has its own submodalities. For example, some of the submodalities of the visual system include:

• Color: Is the image black and white or in color?
• Brightness: How bright is the image?
• Size: How big is the image?
• Location: Where is the image located in your mind’s eye?
• Clarity: How clear is the image?
• Movement: Is the image moving or still?

The submodalities of our thoughts and feelings are the things that make them real to us. They are the things that make us feel the emotions that we are feeling. By changing the submodalities of our thoughts and feelings, we can change the way we experience them. We can make them more positive or more negative, more intense or less intense. We can even make them disappear altogether.

Meta- Magic – Are You Letting The Bull Get Away?

Raghu, the village lad fell in love with the beautiful daughter of a wise old farmer. The farmer agreed to get Raghu married to his daughter, but he laid down one condition: “All you need to do is to catch the tail of any one of the three bulls in my herd. If you succeed in doing so, my daughter is all yours.”

On the day of the challenge, Raghu stood in the middle of the field and waited for the bulls to be released. The first bull appeared to be so big and ferocious, that Raghu turned and ran away, resolving to tackle the second bull.

The second bull was even bigger and more ferocious than the first, which scared Raghu even more, making him resolve to now catch the tail of the third bull.

Fortunately, the third bull was old and feeble. Raghu was relieved to see this, and he immediately set his pace and positioned himself in such a way that he could grab the bull’s tail, but alas! This bull had no tail!

My question to you is: Are you skipping chances before chances begin to skip you?

Hook From The Book

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Movie Motivation

This week’s Movie Motivation is contributed by Monika Shekhawat.

“Har team main bas ek hi gunda ho sakta hai, aur is team ka gunda main hoon” from the movie Chak De India. Translated to: “Every team has only one goon, and the goon of this team is Me.”

How Monika relates to this dialogue: I am the ruler of my life, no one else can dictate me what to do or not. Not influenced by negative comments or people who try to pull me down.

This Week’s Winning Post

What is Productivity according to you?

See you next week!

Thoughtfully Yours,

Mehernosh Randeria